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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 286 comments… add one }
  • Kadee Get October 24, 2013, 10:34 am

    John: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
    Tim: Why?
    John: Cause she had no arms.
    pause for dramatic effect…
    John: Knock knock
    Tim: Who is there?
    John: Not sally.

  • Josh October 28, 2013, 8:11 pm

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahah!!! Those are honestly the funniest jokes I have ever heard in my entire life!!!!!!

  • Alexa October 29, 2013, 7:50 pm

    If you heard of doctor who you might like this : Knock Knock! Who’s There? Doctor. Doctor Who? You Are Not Supposed To Know Who The Doctor Is Silly!

  • Jadon November 2, 2013, 4:06 pm

    Really nice jokes.
    A very drunk man came out of a bar and met another very drunk man.
    He looked up at the sky and asked, “Is that the sun or the moon?”
    The other drunk replied, “I don’t know, I’m a stranger here too”.

  • Rabale November 4, 2013, 6:25 am

    I enjoyed reading the jokes.

  • Chelsea November 4, 2013, 4:44 pm

    Lol

  • Shelby Smith November 22, 2013, 12:50 pm

    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Lean beef
    Where do you find a dog with no legs?
    Where you left him

  • Rohan tiwari November 28, 2013, 9:22 pm

    Oh it’s very interesting. I really love it.

  • Faizal December 1, 2013, 2:31 pm

    Why did the dinosaur walk across the road?
    Because chickens were not invented yet.
    Wait, how can dinosaurs walk across roads when they were also not invented as well?
    Weird…

  • Ariana December 16, 2013, 3:56 pm

    Here is a joke you’re really going to enjoy ! :
    Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says, “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”

  • Sneha December 22, 2013, 2:00 am

    Many jokes are really funny especially Daisy u rock your jokes are good. I want more jokes ASAP.

  • Sina December 24, 2013, 10:38 am

    A horse went to the office of a circus manager and asked: “Do you mind to hire a horse?” The circus manager said: “What are you able to do?” The horse answered in a surprise, “Talking, idiot!”

  • Lady lade December 26, 2013, 7:59 am

    Can’t stop laughing damn it’s so funny lolz

  • Vjsbog December 26, 2013, 9:58 pm

    I loved the joke about the two teenyboppers.

  • Ananias December 30, 2013, 3:45 am

    This just made my day!

  • Krishna December 30, 2013, 9:38 am

    It’s awesome…

  • Ayla January 2, 2014, 7:43 pm

    Haha really funny listen to this:
    A blonde girl, a redhead and a brunette sneak into a farmer’s shed then they hear the farmer coming so the brunette runs into a herd of cow the redhead jumps into a sack of chickens and the blonde runs into a sack of potatoes.
    The farmer pokes the cows, the brunette goes moo. Then he pokes the chickens and the redhead goes bock bock. The farmer pokes the bag of potatoes and the blonde says pataTOE.

  • Caszietuivaga January 4, 2014, 1:43 am

    Hilarious… hehehe 😉

  • Chandra kamak January 9, 2014, 5:18 pm

    I need funny jokes related to maths.

  • Bob Bobberson January 18, 2014, 2:55 pm

    Here is my joke:
    What do you call a tooth?
    A white thing that helps you chew your food which you can brush with toothpaste!
    Because I forgot to brush my teeth for a while but then I bruhsed again and now I am healthy :)D

  • Yonas January 26, 2014, 5:22 am

    Really I passed a wonderful day by reading these funny stories. Thank you.

  • Abbi January 29, 2014, 2:59 am

    Hey guys all these jokes are really good I love them so here is mine.
    How do you confuse a blonde?
    Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner.
    How does a blonde confuse you?
    She comes out the room and says she sis it.
    What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    Nacho cheese.
    Yo mama so fat when she stood on the scales the scales said I asked for your weight not your phone number.
    Thnx for reading.

  • Abbi January 29, 2014, 3:02 am

    I got a maths joke.
    What do you call a maths teacher?
    Boring.
    Ok I admit that was just made up on the spot and isn’t funny lol but its a true story in my school.

  • Thendo February 5, 2014, 8:44 pm

    I love these jokes because if you have trouble with sleeping they can refresh your mind, I want to laugh more, keep on doing this, I like them, thank you.

  • Priyal February 7, 2014, 6:33 am

    Awesome jokes… my jawbone is hurting now… after so much of laughter.

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