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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 286 comments… add one }
  • Joseph July 20, 2013, 2:17 am

    A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer and a mop.

  • Chanchan July 22, 2013, 10:14 pm

    Here’s a funny one!!
    A boy was driving a car. A girl was trying to overtake him. Boy shouted, “Hey, buffalo!”
    Girl shouted back, “You pig, donkey, stupid!” Then she had an accident after hitting a buffalo crossing the road.

  • Homie July 23, 2013, 2:11 pm

    Joke Teller: Pete and Repeat are on a boat. Pete fell off. Who is on the boat?
    A Person: Repeat.
    Teller: Why do you want me to say it again, I just told you. 😀

  • Micheal king July 24, 2013, 1:34 pm

    A Chinese couple gave birth to a black baby (lol). They were curious as to why they had a black baby. The wife came up with an explanation, “You is hot, me is hot, sex was hot so baby is burnt!”
    The husband agreed but decided to name the kid Sun Tin Wong (or some thing wrong) 🙂

  • Aman Kaur July 25, 2013, 3:55 am

    Fun jokes…!!! Still laughing…:-D

  • Oreva July 31, 2013, 6:23 am

    Pooja, your joke is really great, good work!

  • Dairo David August 2, 2013, 8:13 am

    Very nice jokes collection. Here is mine.
    Sylve was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, “I have something I must confess.”
    “There’s no need to,” his wife replied.
    “No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother!”
    “I know, I know,” she replied. “Now just rest and let the poison work.”

  • Lovfly August 5, 2013, 5:41 am

    Hmmm what a joke… can’t stop laughing. Makes me forget my stress.

  • Abhay August 7, 2013, 7:45 am

    All these jokes are fantastic.

  • Gabby August 7, 2013, 4:01 pm

    Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
    Waiter: Don’t worry sir I’ll send someone after it.
    Customer: There’s a FROG in my soup!
    Waiter: Yes, I sent him to get the fly.

  • Brent August 9, 2013, 5:29 am

    A sunday school teacher was telling his students the story of Zakias Climbing the the sycomore tree.
    In telling the story he forgot the name of the tree that Zakias climbed to see Jesus so he decided to go with mango tree hoping that the school children would not notice it.
    “and before Jesus went pass, Zakias could not help it anymore because he was short so he climbed the mango tree to get a clear view of Jesus” One of his students shouted Teacher! Teachers! Teacher! It was a sycamore tree not a mango tree.
    The teacher replied hey hang on am not yet finished “so after climbing the mango tree Zakias then jump from the mango tree to the sycamore tree and there he got a better view.”

  • Blah August 11, 2013, 3:49 am

    Most of these jokes kinda made me feel better.

  • Blah August 12, 2013, 3:02 pm

    lol

  • Vaskor jyooty September 10, 2013, 3:08 am

    A man, very good man, he is physically fit, he does not drink neither does he smoke. Totally he is a good man but he has 1 problem, he forget everything almost instantly.
    Sometime later, his forgetting problem takes on his life… one day he forgot to breath and he died 🙂
    I hope you all like it.

  • Sonny September 10, 2013, 1:29 pm

    So funny guys!!

  • Sania September 17, 2013, 9:52 am

    Too funny guys.

  • Dansytommy October 4, 2013, 4:34 pm

    Here is mine check it out.
    Student: Sir, why do we have different type of blood group?
    Teacher: So that mosquitoes can enjoy different flavors.
    ====
    A man bought a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner;
    DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
    SON: At school (robot slaps the son and he immediately changes his mind). Okay I went to the movies!
    DAD: Which one?
    SON: Harry potter (robot slaps son again!) Okay I was watching p0rn.
    DAD: What! When I was your age, I didn’t even know p0rn! (robot slaps dad).
    MUM: Hahahahaha! After all he is your son! (robot gives mum a hot dirty slap).
    ====
    Three men were in a hospital visiting room, waiting for their pregnant wives who were in labour at the labour room. Minutes later, a nurse came and asked, who is Mr Timi that works with 3 crowns milk? Mr Timi said: It’s me! The nurse said: congratulations sir, your wife has just given birth to triplets.
    The nurse went in, came out again and asked: Who is Mr Dan that works with 7 up bottling company? Mr Dan said: It’s me! The nurse said: congratulation sir! Your wife has just delivered 7 babies. As the nurse went inside, the third man who works with 33 lager beer took to his heels.

  • Danu October 5, 2013, 12:09 pm

    Nice I like..

  • Cyra October 8, 2013, 2:01 am

    Keeps me laughing all day long.

  • Mohammad reza October 9, 2013, 4:00 am

    Nice jokes

  • Shrikanth October 9, 2013, 10:28 am

    These jokes are awesome… laughed like any thing….

  • Daniel October 10, 2013, 3:24 pm

    How to cross a road in Nigeria:
    Look right and left for cars and bikes,
    look up for aeroplane, down for bomb,
    back for kidnappers, look side,
    hold your bag tight and watch the person beside you.
    Then walk zig zag to avoid stray bullet.

  • Dee Dee October 19, 2013, 12:45 pm

    Ummm some are funny, and others are corney!!! BUUUUT….me and my fiance are cuddling scrolling through theses laughing so hard!!! because some of theses are just so stupidly dumb funny!!! LMAOO

  • Esha October 22, 2013, 12:17 am

    Very funny jokes. You guys have a great sense of humour.

  • Za jesta October 22, 2013, 5:19 am

    I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect therefore I am perfect.

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