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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 286 comments… add one }
  • Ishita April 27, 2013, 5:05 am

    Sardaji humour……
    1. Sardarji: I divorced my wife on the 1st night.
    Friend: Why?
    Sardar: I saw the label on her panties, “Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons.”
    2. Sardar: Yeah my wife is very scared of water.
    Frnd: How did you know?
    Sardar: Twice when I got home I saw her having a bath with the security guard.
    3. The Nurse was taking a blood sample from Sardar. She held his finger and squeezed for the blood. So the Sardar laughed.
    Nurse: Why did you laugh?
    Sardar: After this it is the urine test right?
    4. Husband & wife having dinner together.
    Wife: Darling, tell me something that would make me both happy & sad.
    Husband: Your nipples are better than your sister’s!
    5. On the first night of the marraige the husband gives the wife Rs.500 and says “I have never done this for free.”
    Wife returns Rs.200 and says “I have not charged more than this before.”

  • Rory May 1, 2013, 7:21 pm

    A girl walks into the kitchen first thing in the morning to find her mother holding a cookie jar and tapping her foot angrily.
    “Young lady,” says her mom, “last night I left 2 cookies in the jar, and now there’s only one. How do you explain that?”
    “I guess it was so dark I missed the second one.” – says the girl.

  • Ratimiti Johnny May 2, 2013, 1:03 pm

    Man and God conversation.
    MAN: “Dear God, to you, how many is a million years?”
    GOD: “To me, its only a minute.”
    MAN: “Dear God, to you, how many is a million dollars?”
    GOD: “To me, its only a penny.”
    MAN: “Dear God, may I have a penny?”
    GOD: “Okay, wait a minute.”

  • Safiya May 3, 2013, 5:46 pm

    I got something funny….
    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and teach him a lesson. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.” 😀

  • Fragile & Vergil May 5, 2013, 7:43 pm

    To all you lames your masters are here. JOKE!!!
    This kid was too young to take showers by himself so one day he took a shower with mommy.. the boy looked up and asked, “Mommy what’s that?” She said, “Umm…umm.. that’s a garden that every woman has.”
    The next day he took a shower with daddy. He looked up and asked, “Daddy what’s that?” Daddy said, “Umm it’s a snake that every man has.”
    WHEN the little boy was ready to go to sleep he wanted to say good night to his parents. He walked to their room, he turned on the lights and screamed “Mommy mommy there’s a snake in your garden.”

  • Cassie May 9, 2013, 7:42 pm

    A blonde, a brunette, and a red head all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke. The trick is that they must not laugh. The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell. The red head goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs. Finally, it’s the blondes turn. She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs. God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”

  • Anu May 9, 2013, 9:46 pm

    Really wonderfull jokes. Check out mine:
    Mother: Why did you put your sister inside the fridge?
    Son: So that she doesn’t get spoilt.

  • Lillian May 14, 2013, 8:22 pm

    These we’re really, really funny and I am not in class but still almost died of laughing 🙂

  • Naomi May 16, 2013, 3:57 am

    Here is a joke:
    Man: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
    Shop Owner: You definitely do sir, this is a fish and chip shop.

  • clarence May 18, 2013, 10:36 am

    Well done peeps, i was having a great time….. lol

  • Kelly May 24, 2013, 1:27 pm

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOOLLOL

  • LoZ May 26, 2013, 11:08 am

    What do you call a Nun in a wheelchair?
    Virgin Mobile

  • Vikram May 28, 2013, 9:04 am

    A Chinese saw Steven Spielberg in hotel Ambassador, as he was a fan of Steven, he asked for his autograph. Instead, Steven gave a slap and said, “you bombed our Pearl Harbor.”
    Heart broken, the Chinese said, “it was the Japanese, not us.”
    Steven said, “Japanese, Chinese, Bhutanese, your all the same.”
    Angry, the Chinese slapped Steven and said, “You sank the Titanic, my fore fathers were in the ship.”
    Surprised, Steven replied, “It was not me, it was the iceberg.” The Chinese said, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Jarlsberg, your all the same.”

  • Humayra May 28, 2013, 11:33 am

    Love the jokes here’s mine:
    An Indian man moves to America and doesn’t know a word of English so he brings he’s notepad.
    He was sitting in a park and some children run pass him yelling “I did it. I did it.” so he writes that in his notepad.
    Then he went for lunch and the people next to him order pasta so they say “forks and knives forks and knives” so he writes that down too.
    Then he went to the church and it was someone’s wedding and the priest says “hallelujah” so he writes that down too.
    He went out of church and someone got killed so that area was surrounded. The policeman in the middle asked who did it. The man stepped forward and said “I did it.” The policeman asked “What did you use?” The man said forks and knives. The policeman said “What do think about going to jail?” The man said “hallelujah.”

  • Bishoy May 29, 2013, 7:08 am

    I’ve gotta great joke:
    There was a man that worked in a shop but only knew three sentences. The first one was only $2.50 the second one was maybe yes maybe no the third one was if you don’t someone else will.
    So a man came in to buy some milk and asked how much it was so he said only $2.50 the man answered is it off the man said maybe yes maybe no so the man said can I buy it? The man said if you don’t someone else will.
    Another man came in to buy some lollies and asked how much were the lollies? The man said $2.50 so the man said does it taste nice? The man said maybe yes maybe no the man asked can I buy it the man said if you don’t someone else will.
    The next day a robber came in and said gimme all your money the man said only $2.50 so the man replied just gimme all your money the man said maybe yes maybe no. The robber said I’ll shoot you the man said if you don’t someone else will.

  • Darena May 30, 2013, 10:32 am

    More jokes needed.

  • Brandon May 30, 2013, 4:35 pm

    Here is a funny one:
    Why was the stadium so hot after the game was over?
    Because all the fans left.

  • Gnesh May 31, 2013, 8:23 pm

    I really enjoy most of the jokes. Keep up the good work.

  • Sporty June 1, 2013, 1:32 pm

    Really nice jokes, they are really cool. Need more though.

  • Killer joker June 1, 2013, 10:08 pm

    Cool jokes every sunday…
    There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby. There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, “How did you get down here?” The baby replies, “Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy’s willy!”

  • SBOH June 2, 2013, 9:54 am

    Lol nyc jokes guys, u really made ma day.

  • Olivia June 3, 2013, 2:21 pm

    O-M-G!!! BEST JOKES EVER! I could not stop laughing… my cheekbones hurt:(

  • Jake June 9, 2013, 12:12 pm

    The funniest joke of them all is 25. I just kept on laughing and Daisy you should be the best joker person ever.

  • Mary June 10, 2013, 2:58 pm

    I think this is funny:
    There are three men from China. Their names are Bu, Chu, and Fu. They decide to go to America to start a Chinese restaurant together.
    Bu, Chu, and Fu have a meeting. Bu says, “If I move to America people will surely laugh at my name. So I will call myself buck.” (adding a “ck” to the end of his name)
    Chu decides to copy Buck and adds a “ck” to the end of his name, too. Buck and Chuck leave to eat dinner. Fu thinks for a while and says, “I’ll just stay with Fu.”

  • Nick June 12, 2013, 8:21 am

    So we are in a 3rd grade class and one of the students asked to go pee..
    So the teacher said if you sing the alphabet, then you can go pee
    Then he sang it, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ
    And the teacher said you forgot the p and he said yea it’s dripping down my pants.

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