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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 303 comments… add one }
  • Nick June 12, 2013, 8:27 am

    I died of laughter when I read this:
    Dad: Son can you get me a drink at the store
    Son: Coke or Pepsi?
    Dad: Pepsi
    Son: Can or bottle?
    Dad: Bottle
    Son: 24 oz. or 32 oz?
    Dad: GOD DAMMIT! Just go get me a drink
    Son: When??
    Dad: Some time!
    Son: Today or tomorrow?
    Dad: TODAY!
    Son: What time?
    Dad: OH MY FU*K!!!
    Mother: Are you guys having a good time? 🙂
    Dad: It’s wonderful…
    Son: Dad.. You mad bro?
    Dad: (Flips out and breaks all of the cups, plates windows and anything that will break)
    Son: You want that Pepsi now?…

  • Nceba June 14, 2013, 5:31 pm

    If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

  • James June 15, 2013, 4:50 am

    What do you call a chicken with no legs???
    A fire ball he he he:)

  • Dylan June 15, 2013, 12:54 pm

    Mother: Erik, what did you get from your father?
    Erik: 5 bucks.
    Mother: What are you going to buy?
    Erik: A wallet, Mother, to put my money in!
    o O o
    What flies and says “Moooo!”?
    A cowmet.
    o O o
    How does a cow come out of the water?
    o O o
    Finn got 2 goldfish for his B-Day. He puts them in a fishtank.
    His mother says: Finn, clean the water of the fishtank.
    Finn says: No, mother, they need to drink it up! No wasting water!

  • Marina dallas June 16, 2013, 7:50 am


  • Marcus Kwabena June 18, 2013, 3:00 pm

    Really nice and funny jokes.

  • Hasti June 19, 2013, 7:25 am

    Some of them look great. THANKS A LOT!

  • QUEERKILM June 23, 2013, 1:05 pm


  • Zaiba June 24, 2013, 5:25 pm

    Superb..! I never get bored with this page…

  • Peter June 25, 2013, 3:47 am

    Wow I loved the jokes..they’re really funny..add some more..hahaha..lol

  • Ishaku ibrahim June 26, 2013, 10:40 am

    The jokes here are really nice.

  • Emmaco June 27, 2013, 10:46 am

    Well done friends/guys. I now have gotten a place to come to when depressed or lonely. Good work.

  • Asif. June 28, 2013, 5:08 am


  • Sweet Sabah June 28, 2013, 8:13 am

    Ok….I can’t control my laughter….lol

  • Sameen Shaikh June 29, 2013, 11:35 pm

    Nice jokes

  • Letswele John July 1, 2013, 11:52 am

    Keep up de gud work.

  • BlacBone July 1, 2013, 4:17 pm

    You guys are killing me, Always!

  • Me July 2, 2013, 9:16 pm

    I got one.
    I recently got an Alicia Keys smoke alarm. So when there’s smoke, it goes, “This house is on FIRE! This house is on FIRE!”

  • Emerald July 3, 2013, 7:43 am

    Hahaha it’s really funny. Thanks guys……
    Tiring day but still laughing out loud.:-D

  • Rajkumar July 5, 2013, 10:42 am

    Superb… Keep it up…

  • XxDevilishDogxX July 12, 2013, 10:04 pm

    This is my joke:
    Employee: Boss, can I take a day off? I’m going to be a father.
    Boss: Sure.
    Boss: So is it a boy or a girl?
    Employee: I don’t know, I’ll find out in 9 months.
    Tell me if u like it… 😀

  • Mr. Fappy July 14, 2013, 5:40 am

    Seriously funny joke:
    Little April was a sleepy girl, always sleeping in class. One day a teacher came up to her and asked her, “Who created the world?”
    Seeing no response from her, Johnny, her classmate came to the rescue and poked a pin in her bottom. April answered, “God Almighty”.
    After sometime the teacher asked her again, “Who was the first man?” Johnny poked her again and she replied, “Adam”.
    After sometime the teacher came back and asked her, “What did Eve say to Adam when their 3rd child was born?”
    As Johnny was about to poke her, April got up and yelled, “If you put that damn thing in my butt again I sear I will break it in half and shove it up your ass.”
    The teacher fainted.

    • Danny Boy July 22, 2013, 5:16 pm

      I love reading these jokes… soooo dammm funny… especially to Mr Fappy jokes.

  • Ranaik July 15, 2013, 8:33 am

    Sone people have got great humour.

  • Aryan khan zazai July 15, 2013, 11:17 am

    Hahahaha I laughed as much as my stomach got pain…

  • Deborah July 16, 2013, 11:48 am

    I have laughed my heart out. The jokes are awesome.

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