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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 303 comments… add one }
  • Simran Sidhu April 5, 2013, 11:05 pm

    Nice jokes

  • Alvin April 6, 2013, 5:57 am

    I like it….

  • Syafie April 6, 2013, 11:26 am

    Luv all d jokes 🙂
    Soo.. funny. Thx, it’s brighten my day. Keep it up!!!

  • Sshafy2013 April 8, 2013, 2:37 am

    Hahahahaha! Awesome jokes. Can’t stop laughing.

  • Martin April 8, 2013, 5:01 pm

    Am dying of these jokes.

  • Brianna April 9, 2013, 8:33 pm

    I heard this on 101.9 radio station
    …and I’m driving down the road with my dad when I see this car with an open trunk and then a cooler pops out and falls out on the side of the road. We pull over to pick it up and give it back to them, he walks out to open to see what’s in there when he returns without the cooler he tells me there was a toe in the cooler and I asked what are you going to do he replied and said I guess I’ll call the toetruck 🙂

  • Fianna April 11, 2013, 8:02 pm

    These jokes are so funny and I am even putting it in my diary so funnnnnnnnn haahaahahaahah

  • Deon April 11, 2013, 10:43 pm

    A distressed women calls her boyfriend asking him to come over urgently as she had a dillema. He went over as fast as he could and found her holding her head down and upset. He asked her what was wrong and she said that she was having trouble putting together a puzzle that she had bought from the supermarket. She said that the picture on the box which was a rooster, looked simple but she just could not put it together. Her boyfirend replies: “Calm down honey…let’s just put all the corn fakes back in the box”.

  • Katelyn Neeham April 12, 2013, 4:28 pm

    Love these jokes good job guys good ones made me laugh.

  • Janeth April 14, 2013, 8:53 pm

    Read my!
    Dad: Son go water the plants
    Son: But its raining!
    Dad: Here take an umbrella

  • Wiron April 14, 2013, 9:32 pm

    Cool jokes guys. I liked them all.

  • Gumani April 15, 2013, 8:00 am

    A man was lying on the grass in the park taking it easy when he decided to speak to God.
    Man: God how long is a million years?
    God: To me its just a second.
    Man: How much is a million dollars?
    God: To me its just a cent.
    Man: Can I have a cent?
    God: Just wait a second.

  • Rakshita April 17, 2013, 7:07 am

    Toooooooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Cosmos April 18, 2013, 6:36 am

    Hilarious indeed, I can’t stop laughing.

  • Charles Z April 19, 2013, 9:13 am

    I just could not stop reading!!! GOOD WORK EVERYBODY! I Will defenitely bookmark this site.

  • Ritika April 22, 2013, 8:00 am

    Joke: If one teacher can’t teach all subjects then.. how do they expect us to learn all subjects? 😀

  • DivaGirl April 22, 2013, 11:52 am

    10 Husbands, Still a Virgin:
    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
    “What?” said the puzzled groom.
    “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
    “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
    Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
    Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
    Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
    Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
    Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
    Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
    Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
    Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
    Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
    “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
    “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

  • Jesse April 22, 2013, 10:03 pm

    Cool joke:
    What do you call a Mexican man rolling in sand?
    A churro. By the way I’m Mexican.

  • Geting Litin April 22, 2013, 10:26 pm

    You guy’s are aWeSomE. I do really like it..

  • Litin Ting April 23, 2013, 11:43 am

    Follow instruction:
    Husband: Handling a spray and start shaking his body.
    Wife: Are you gone crazy why are you shaking?
    Husband: I am just following the instructions, “shake well before use”.

  • Litin Ting April 23, 2013, 12:20 pm

    There was a magic club, who lie, die. A couple and a drunkard went to the club.
    Wife asked husband: “Do you love any other woman?”
    Husband: “Darling! No.” Husband..died.
    Wife (crying): “Oh I love you.” Wife…died.
    Other club goes asked what should be done to the dead bodies. The drunkard stood up and said, “I think…” The drunkard died…

  • Rodney Mwapasa April 24, 2013, 8:52 am

    I have really enjoyed these jokes. please keep it up.

  • Funnyperson April 24, 2013, 6:19 pm

    A pair of rich blondes went shopping for 3 hours. When they arrived back at the car, they had a panic attack because Blonde #1 had accidently left the keys inside the Ferrari.
    They pulled at the doors for hours, tried unlocking the car with a pin, and even tried smashing the glass of the titanium reinforced windows, but all was in vain.
    Finally, Blonde #2 looked up and turned worriedly to Blonde#1. She said: “Quick, think of something because there’s a storm coming and you’ve left the roof open!”

  • Jay April 25, 2013, 3:26 am

    The first one is the best. Keep it up dudes. Here is mine:
    A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway. He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change. The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

  • Arnav April 27, 2013, 12:50 am

    Once a man was travelling in a plane. After sometime he started shouting hijack hijack. Everyone started panicking. Actually he was saying hi to his friend Jack:)

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