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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 303 comments… add one }
  • Apule Mero March 13, 2013, 3:18 am

    All of em, superb.

  • MsLita March 13, 2013, 7:24 am

    Can’t stop laughing

  • Yunus March 14, 2013, 12:54 pm

    I lyk these jokes

  • Will Windos March 14, 2013, 2:10 pm

    Very funny jokes guys. Here is my share: 😀
    A little girl was asking her teacher.
    Girl: “Can my mom get pregnant?”
    Teacher: “How old is your mom?”
    Girl: “She’s 40!”
    Teacher: Yes, she can.”
    Girl: “Can my sister get pregnant?”
    Teacher: “How old is your sister?”
    Girl: “She’s 18.”
    Teacher: “Yes, she can.”
    Girl: “Can I get pregnant?
    Teacher: “How old are you?”
    Girl: “I’m 12.”
    Teacher: “No you cannot get pregnant.”
    A lil boy sitting behind the lil girl said, “I told you we have nothing to worry about.”
    The teacher fainted.

  • Vishwanath March 15, 2013, 9:47 am

    @Jennifer (comment #40): said “The jokes are so funny. Wow I am enjoying myself.”
    The jokes are really funny but can you tell me are you enjoying you yourself or enjoying the Jokes? j/k :p

  • Phindile March 16, 2013, 8:50 am

    Wowee having so much fun, y’all are funny.

  • Ahmed March 17, 2013, 3:11 am

    So funny. I like all the jokes.

  • Angela March 17, 2013, 5:19 pm

    Wow these are real classic. Laughing my ass off…

  • Immaculate March 18, 2013, 4:13 am

    I love the jokes. They are really funny. Keep it up.

  • Jury March 19, 2013, 6:01 am

    A man is traveling in a forest, and suddently encounters a lion. With no way to escape, he kneels down 2 pray 2 God for deliverence. After praying, he stands up and he sees the lion kneeling, and praying.
    The man asks what are you doing? The lion replies, “I always pray to God before eating a meal.”

  • Shania March 19, 2013, 4:24 pm

    The one above me almost had me out my chair!!!

  • Tina March 19, 2013, 4:36 pm

    Four Catholic Men And A Catholic Woman
    Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee when one of the Catholic men tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
    The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
    The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”
    The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
    Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
    She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24″ waist and 34” hips. When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh – My – God.”

  • Hannah March 19, 2013, 6:23 pm

    LoL, I love all these jokes 😀 Here is mine:
    There are two men. They both walk into a bar. One man asks for H20. The second man asks if he can have some H20 too.
    The second man died.
    [H2O too = H2O2 ; Hydrogen peroxide, poisonous]

  • Mariah March 19, 2013, 6:53 pm

    All nice jokes……. I love ’em all

  • Clement March 19, 2013, 7:38 pm

    You guys are wonderful keep it up

  • Sidratulmuntaha March 20, 2013, 2:15 am

    Very funny and nice.

  • Kevin March 20, 2013, 4:17 am

    Nice jokes.. I can’t help myself from laughing…thanks so much… add some more.

  • Masx March 20, 2013, 8:34 am

    So you think you are funny? Read this:
    Two guys are running and the other one runs into a bar…….he faints.

  • Kevin N March 21, 2013, 2:11 am

    They are really funny. Love em all.

  • Mahdia March 21, 2013, 3:18 am

    I just love these jokes.

  • Prue March 21, 2013, 5:47 am

    Too good these jokes.. can’t stop my cheeks from paining with laughter..

  • Honey March 21, 2013, 7:38 am

    Nice jokes guys.

  • Mikaila March 21, 2013, 8:06 am

    I love them.

  • Clyde Danso March 21, 2013, 4:36 pm

    Nice jokes

  • Ishad Rolle March 21, 2013, 6:12 pm

    I have a joke:
    Why did dairy queen get pregnant?
    Because Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

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