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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 303 comments… add one }
  • Waswa Israel March 3, 2013, 1:30 pm

    So, so, so cute.

  • Sani Mukhtar Daura March 3, 2013, 7:01 pm

    A governmental psycharict driver was ordered to take some mad people from Abuja to Katsina state. While on the road, he stopped at one town to take his lunch in a famous restaurant.
    After his lunch he came out to find all the mad men gone. He was very afraid so he went to a motor station and picked some people at a cheap price :mrgreen:

  • Pune Waroi March 3, 2013, 10:19 pm

    Cool, thanks for the laugh.

  • SpringLover March 4, 2013, 2:48 pm

    Wow….. some greatest jokes ….

  • Rajdeep March 4, 2013, 11:44 pm

    I have a nice joke here!
    There were 4 people in a private plane: a captain, a priest, a boy scout, and a smartest man in the world. Suddenly they heard an explosion, the pilot realized that the engine had exploded so he announced, “Dear passengers, I am afraid that there is a technical problem in the engine. The plane is gonna crash. Grab a parachute and jump!”
    The pilot then grabbed a parachute and jumped off. The smartest man in the world said, “I need that parachute, the world needs my knowledge” and so he jumped off.
    The priest said, “Boy you take that last parachute, the world doesn’t need me, I am just an old priest.”
    The boy scout said, “No, what are you talking about? There are 2 parachutes left.”
    “What?” – the priest.
    “The smartest man in the world took my backpack.” – responded the boy scout. :mrgreen:

  • Tina March 5, 2013, 2:59 pm

    There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
    After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
    The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
    The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.”

  • Muhammad A March 5, 2013, 5:40 pm

    Wow! Really nice jokes, it helped relieved me off my worries. Just laughing and laughing endlessly.

  • Maurice Atuhaire March 6, 2013, 6:10 am

    Actually they refreshed my mind, so humorous.

  • Phil March 6, 2013, 1:08 pm

    I went out to buy camaflague trousers but I couldn’t find any!

    o O o

    Did you hear about the blonde that put lipstick on her forehead so she could make up her mind?
    o O o

    Why can’t you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
    Because they go answer the door.
    o O o

    Why is the sky so high? – So birds don’t bump their heads!!

  • Jack March 7, 2013, 5:00 pm

    Boy and his teacher conversation:
    Boy: “Can I go to the toilet please?”
    Teacher: “Say your alphabet.”
    Boy: “abcd efgh ijkl mnoq rstu vwxy z”
    Teacher: “You forgot about the p.”
    Boy: “The p whent down my pants.”

  • Jane March 7, 2013, 7:42 pm

    Why can’t a blonde call 911?
    She can’t find the eleven (11).

  • Jane March 7, 2013, 8:13 pm

    Q: Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?
    A: To see his Flat Mate.
    Q. Why did the orange use suntan lotion?
    A. He started to peel.

  • Isha March 8, 2013, 12:45 am

    Well these were really nice jokes. I loved them.

  • Yukta March 8, 2013, 8:25 am

    Nice jokes

  • Jennifer March 9, 2013, 5:26 pm

    Seriously, guys, these jokes are so funny! Wow! I am enjoying myself.

  • Smriti March 10, 2013, 4:39 am

    It’s awesome! Had great laugh!!

  • Lee jackson March 10, 2013, 6:46 am

    So funny…!

  • Ayanda March 10, 2013, 7:21 am

    Lol thanks guys y’all made my day

  • Smriti March 10, 2013, 9:12 am

    A newly wed couple were talking. Husband: “How many boyfriends did you have before marrying me?”
    When his wife wasn’t answering, he said: “Don’t want to tell?”
    Wife: “I’m still counting!!”

  • Dharshika March 11, 2013, 3:40 am

    Teacher: Suppose you have 10 chocolates. You give 3 to Tina, 2 to Mina and 3 to Sema. What do you have now?
    Boy: I would have 3 girlfriends.

  • Pooja March 11, 2013, 6:30 am

    Hey! I have a joke:
    A wife and her husband were gone to see an exibition of paintings. So there was one painting, in it was a girl who was only wearing some leaves on her chest.
    The husband was looking at the painting with an open mouth while the wife saw the whole exibibtion and came back to him and asked, “Are u going home or waiting for the wind to blow?”

    Please comment. If it’s bad or good, plz comment. This is the first joke written by me that’s y. Thanx.

  • Badgrl March 11, 2013, 4:32 pm

    I like it!!!

  • Smriti March 12, 2013, 4:51 am

    Master: “Why didn’t you water the plants yesterday?”
    Servant: “It was raining.”
    Master: “Don’t make excuses! You could have used an umbrella!!”

  • Aston merrygold March 12, 2013, 4:43 pm

    I love all these jokes.

  • Sushant March 13, 2013, 2:41 am

    Very funny jokes… I like them. Check out mine:
    Teacher: Who is the father of the nation?
    Student: I don’t know.
    Teacher: What does hen lay?
    Student: I don’t know.
    Teacher: What is the average speed of cars?
    Student: I don’t know.
    Teacher: Ask your parents for help and tell me tomorrow.
    Next day, the student met the teacher and answered: Mahatma Gandhi lays eggs at the average speed of 45km/hour.

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