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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 286 comments… add one }
  • Valle williams May 27, 2016, 8:46 am

    I like them a lot. Corny but clever. Love it too much!!!

  • ray hare June 17, 2016, 5:50 pm

    Love your jokes

  • Babalola Divine February 16, 2017, 8:46 am

    Very Funny Jokes

  • MARY September 14, 2017, 1:42 pm

    Wow lovely jokes, they relieve my worries…I love them

  • Abhishek May 26, 2018, 1:53 am

    so funny jokes
    i am very happy after reading all.

  • Hayden Rasor December 12, 2018, 1:35 pm

    Here is a funny joke

    A barber is cutting customer’s hair and see a kid
    The barber says, “Watch this this kid is retarded”
    The Barber calls over the kid and holds out 50 cents and one hand a dollar bill in the other
    The kid choose the 50 cents
    The Barber walks back in the store and tells his customer
    “told you he was retarded”
    Later that day the customer saw the kid eating and Ice Cream cone and asked him “Why didn’t you take the dollar?”
    The kid Licked his Ice Cream cone and said
    “The day I take the dollar, The game’s over”

  • Hayden Rasor December 12, 2018, 1:37 pm

    Four Fathers are waiting in the Hospital, while their wives are in labour

    The nurse comes in and tells the first man, “Congrats! You’re the father of twins!”

    “What a coincidence!” the man says “I work for the Twin Star Enterprise!”

    The nurse returns in a short while later and tells the second man, “You are the father of triplets!”

    “Wow what a coincidence!” he replies. “I work for 3M Corporation

    When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

    “Another coincidence! I work for the Four Sea-sons Hotel!”

    At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he wakes, the others ask, “What’s wrong?”

    “What’s wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!”

  • Evans C. Nyamedor July 10, 2019, 5:53 pm

    Hahahah! I love these jokes. They have really made me laugh today.

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