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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 286 comments… add one }
  • Buhari banjaba February 12, 2014, 4:12 pm

    Very nice and wonderful funny jokes… I like it.

  • EUGKAY February 18, 2014, 11:34 pm

    I am new at this site. The jokes rock.

  • Ralph February 22, 2014, 2:57 am

    You guys are the bomb, can’t stop laughing.

  • Carley February 28, 2014, 7:01 pm

    A fat man walks up to a little boy and said hi! Little boy said hi. Fat guy said do you want a dollar lil boy said no.
    Fat man said why? Lil boy said I am scared of fat people. Fat man says why are you scared of fat people?
    Lil boy said my brother said fat people are dangerous. Fat guy says what so dangerous about fat people?
    Lil boy says they are dangerous cause they might sit on me.

  • Myra Jaqueline March 8, 2014, 5:34 am

    Awesome…

  • Simon March 16, 2014, 6:14 am

    Very nice

  • Pathfinder March 24, 2014, 2:43 pm

    You guys are really intateners kip it up o!

  • Zainab shenziya March 31, 2014, 2:13 am

    Wow!!! Superb jokes. I can’t stop laughing.

  • Mahayla Rose March 31, 2014, 6:47 pm

    Roses are red
    violets are blue
    he’s for me
    and not for you
    if by chance you take me place
    i’ll take my fist and smash your face.

  • Afra April 20, 2014, 4:59 am

    Wonderful jokes hahahahahahahahaha it was so funny

  • Yahia April 22, 2014, 10:44 pm

    These are funny! I love ’em all 🙂
    Here my share:
    Teacher: I need a volunteer to answer my question?
    Johnny: I can do that.
    Teacher: Ok, Johnny can you name 10 different animals in Africa?
    Johnny: Piece of Cake!! Nine(9) Elephant and One(1) Zebra

  • Fred April 29, 2014, 4:43 am

    Love it heres mine
    knock knock
    whos there
    jack
    jack who
    jack black

  • Dumisani May 11, 2014, 4:37 pm

    Thanks everyone!!!
    Most of the jokes, really made me laugh so loud here inside my blankets as it’s a cold season in SA!!!
    #respect_technology

  • Sampada Bhat May 16, 2014, 2:00 pm

    LOL . Very funny jokes. And STEPHEN you have a good set of jokes 🙂 I even shared them on facebook ^-^

  • Cam May 29, 2014, 2:56 pm

    Awsome jokes

  • Ed May 29, 2014, 2:59 pm

    really good jokes

  • Goodluck May 31, 2014, 8:03 am

    Very funny jokes

  • Bhavani June 1, 2014, 5:45 am

    Wen i read this jokes i felt yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak

  • Ankita June 3, 2014, 3:58 am

    Totally mad laughing at these jokes jokers….sorry joke crackers you ROCK..!!!

  • Vivs June 24, 2014, 6:53 pm

    Cool! Nice jokes! Luv ’em…so hilarious too…lol

  • Daddy Rams July 1, 2014, 9:33 am

    I like the page, much interesting.

  • William July 16, 2014, 8:22 am

    I Love This.

  • lsgeee July 17, 2014, 9:49 am

    Nice

  • ria August 13, 2014, 7:20 am

    My gosh!!!!!!!!!!!! These jokes are wonderful……. i liked all of them.. very helpful and noteworthy also.. Send more!!!!

  • Soujanya August 13, 2014, 7:22 am

    Nice jokes and well done send mmmmmmooorrrrrrreeeeeeee!!!!!!!

    • ananias August 15, 2014, 5:09 pm

      Haha, funny that

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