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Really Funny Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

{ 286 comments… add one }
  • Pweedy Sasha August 20, 2014, 1:15 am

    Nice jokes… hillarious!!

  • Jehmiah October 3, 2014, 8:06 pm

    Why did they have to bury George Washington standing up?
    Because he never lies.

  • Pradeep swarma October 21, 2014, 8:19 pm

    I liked all jokes very much! I enjoyed it happily……..heeee

  • Samuel October 30, 2014, 1:41 pm

    These jokes are really funny.

  • Kenner lexus November 12, 2014, 3:22 am

    Nice jokes

  • Travis Wright November 13, 2014, 5:12 pm

    Q: What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?
    A: How tequila mockingbird

  • Amirah January 19, 2015, 4:21 pm

    Knock knock!!
    Whose there?
    Europe
    Europe who?
    No your a poo

  • Sweety January 22, 2015, 8:32 am

    All of ur jokes can be appreciable. They really make me free from stress. plz write some more guys. I love them…………

  • Priyanshi January 29, 2015, 12:05 am

    I read all jokes guys all jokes are very funny

  • Mohamed February 17, 2015, 9:04 am

    The humour is fun and entertaining.

  • Harry Handsome March 13, 2015, 1:31 am

    #funny#

  • Jessica Adrian Ho March 30, 2015, 7:36 am

    Read This,It’s Funny!
    Boy: Hell yeah!
    Girl: Do you want to break-up with Me?
    Boy: No Way!
    Girl: Will you kiss me?
    Boy: Any Change I can!
    Girl: Will you cheat on me?
    Boy: Not even a million years!
    Girl: Will you protect me away from bad guys?
    Boy: I will
    Girl: Will you slap me?
    Boy: Shut up! Are you crazy?!
    Girl: Will you marry me?
    Boy: Yeah!
    READ IT BACKWARDS

  • Shefrank April 20, 2015, 6:56 pm

    A blond a brunette and a red bead are in a plane that is going down. There are only 2 parachutes. The brunette and the red dhead take the parachutes before the blond can get to it. What does the blond say?
    A: Haha I’ll beat u down!!!

  • Maddy nolen April 23, 2015, 2:27 pm

    There needs to be more jokes, and they need to be longer!!!!!!!!!

  • Hoss May 6, 2015, 3:26 pm

    What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointnless

  • Jewel August 22, 2015, 12:25 am

    Wow nice… I guess

  • Yina ephraim August 24, 2015, 2:18 am

    Nice one guys, Keep it up.

  • Pat blair September 1, 2015, 9:32 am

    Love to read your jokes

  • Ileana Basumatary November 28, 2015, 11:51 pm

    They are really really funny jokes

  • Destiny December 6, 2015, 6:00 pm

    Sam: Knock knock!
    Sally: Who’s there?
    Sam: Europe.
    Sally: Europe who?
    Sam: NO! YOUR A POO!!!!!!

  • Joke December 18, 2015, 11:54 pm

    Nice ones ….really liked ….???????????

  • HaHaHaHaHaHa December 19, 2015, 11:46 pm

    Hahaha hahaha!!!!! Love these jokes so much!!!!!!!

  • Jjumba Ronald January 3, 2016, 2:57 pm

    Nice joke…. funny… indeed

  • Prathamesh Patil February 8, 2016, 2:54 am

    Really guys…. These jokes are way too aweeee-soooome…
    Love it man.. ???

  • Hiwot February 19, 2016, 9:41 pm

    It’s amazing

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