A guy needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order for it to go, he would say “Thank God” and for it to stop he would have to say “Amen”.
So the guy went, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. A few hours later, he woke up and was going off the edge of a cliff. So he shouted “Amen!” and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.
“Whew,” he said. “Thank God.”
A young couple took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitations, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small pen*s.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed. “For me?”
“Just take two,” the mother replied. “The rest are for your father.”
“I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.”
A blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair changed so she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, “Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”
The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. “If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”
An employee went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, “For best results, put on two coats”.
While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”
One day, a stranger asked a little girl to climb up and down a tree. After the little girl climbed up and down the stranger gave her some candies.
The girl went home, she told her mother about the stranger. Her mother spoke angrily to her and told her that the stranger just wanted to see her underwear under the dress.
The second day, it happened the same thing and the stranger gave her 100$.
Again she told her mother. Her mother yelled loudly at her for again climbing the tree. The little girl said, “Don’t worry mom. I tricked him. I didn’t wear underwear this time.”
The mother fainted.