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Funny Dirty Jokes

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s*x. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.

“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about s*x so she makes up an answer.

“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”

The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”

The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”

The little girl replies, “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!

Teacher and her 3 boy students:

Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”

Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…

Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.”

Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…

Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man, “Where did you get such a big lighter?”

The man replies,”See that man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”

So the guy walks over to the genie and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.

The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, “That genie is a little hard of hearing isn’t he.”

The guy replies, “No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!”

A little boy goes to school but bringing in a cat with him. Teacher asks him “why did you bring your cat to school?”

The little boy replies, “Well, I heard my daddy telling mommy when the kids leave I’m gonna eat that pu**y up.”

Girl: Baby I am wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, I want more than that 😉
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby I want sumthing big and round 😉
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?

Mom: If a boy touches your b**bs, say “Don’t” and if he touches your pu**y say “Stop”.

Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “Don’t Stop”.

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. The cashier asks, “Do you want a bag?”

The guy says, “No. She’s not that ugly.”

Boy: Let’s play the firetruck game.
Girl: How do we play?

Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say “Redlight” when you want me to stop.
Girl: Okay 🙂

*Few seconds later*

Girl: Redlight!!!
Boy: Firetrucks don’t stop for redlights 😉

Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.

Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.

Q: Who makes more money… a hooker? or a drug dealer?
A: A hooker, because she can wash her crack and sell it again.

Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.

The chief walks to the men and says, ” What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?” The first man thinks for a second and replies, “I choose Boogaloo”.

The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant “boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo”. The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up the ***.

The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, “You must choose, Death or Boogaloo”?

The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, “I choose death”.

The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, “Death by boogaloo!!!”

{ 100 comments… add one }
  • Loi Gillera September 1, 2014, 5:13 pm

    A husband and wife attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery in Cheyenne, Wyoming were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a bench looking very exhausted just outside the entry to a tunnel of a huge mine. Two of the guys had black organs, but the one in the middle had a pinkish pen*s.
    The black curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pinkish penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”
    After the curator left, a distinguish old man approached the couple and with an impish twinkle in his eyes said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about.”
    “The curator of the gallery has explained it to us. It’s okey, we don’t need another interpretation?” said the husband.
    But the wife is fascinated by the sly smile of the old man. She said, “wait, why would you know more than the curator?”
    “Because I’m the guy who painted it,” he replied. “The truth is that those 3 men are not African-Americans,” the man said.
    “What are they?”, the now drawn husband asked.
    “They’re three young coal-miners. And they’re all white”, answered the old man.
    As he turn his back to the baffled couple, he give them a wink, a mischievous grin then added, “the guy in the middle is just back from home after having lunch with his wife.”

    • Sunil Kadam January 30, 2019, 12:01 pm

      Very intelligent joke. Thanks !

  • Alex September 7, 2014, 7:51 am

    Nice and Clever jokes

  • Kyle September 24, 2014, 9:29 pm

    What the difference between a ruster and a hooker . Rusters say cockadoodledo . Hookers say any cock will do

  • Mb October 14, 2014, 7:17 am

    I was entertained :))

  • Phemola November 1, 2014, 11:49 pm

    So damn funny

  • Phemola November 1, 2014, 11:53 pm

    Ohhhh sh*t so horny but dey ar funny jokes after all

  • Sexismylife November 3, 2014, 3:15 pm

    What does one saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support before someone thinks were nuts

  • Msh November 23, 2014, 7:52 am

    I enjoyed this joke, #21
    Teacher: “Johnny, write a sentence ending with the word hand.”
    Johnny: “My penis in your hand.”
    Teacher: “What?”
    Johnny: “Sorry ma’am, I forgot to put a space between pen is.”

  • MEADs17 December 13, 2014, 10:33 pm

    Whe did the Dyslexic egoistic insomniac fall asleep in school?
    Because he stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog…

  • Jojo February 16, 2015, 1:59 pm

    Whats the difference between a washing machine and a 17 year old girl?
    I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me around for
    3 years saying it loves me.

  • trevor February 19, 2015, 11:12 pm

    Damn I wanted to tell a joke about alzheimer’s but I forgot the punch line

  • BARRY February 26, 2015, 11:41 am

    What is the difference between an EGG and a WANK ???
    You can beat an EGG…………….

  • Anon April 10, 2015, 5:28 pm

    Hilarious lol!!!

  • Rome April 17, 2015, 10:24 am

    All these are crazy funny.

  • Yellowomen May 1, 2015, 5:04 pm

    This is some funny shit b*tch hell yah

  • Bubbles May 7, 2015, 1:29 pm

    Lovely jokes

  • Steven July 6, 2015, 7:38 am

    I’m a female I have a news paper.
    Drop it between my legs and ask what am I doing?
    Answer is – I’m lip reading

  • Allan July 7, 2015, 8:19 am

    Very funny

  • Amit prakash patil December 16, 2015, 3:48 am

    Excellent site ! it would be better if there were more dirty jokes!!!

  • Assima May 19, 2016, 4:01 pm

    So funny

  • Carrine June 19, 2016, 5:26 pm

    Funny

  • Joanne February 7, 2017, 9:59 am

    You made me laugh out loud. Thanks…..

  • vikram sidu January 3, 2019, 1:43 am

    lololololol

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