A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s*x. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
“What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about s*x so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies, “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
Teacher and her 3 boy students:
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”
A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man, “Where did you get such a big lighter?”
The man replies,”See that man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”
So the guy walks over to the genie and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says, “That genie is a little hard of hearing isn’t he.”
The guy replies, “No kidding! You think I asked for a 14 inch Bic!”
A little boy goes to school but bringing in a cat with him. Teacher asks him “why did you bring your cat to school?”
The little boy replies, “Well, I heard my daddy telling mommy when the kids leave I’m gonna eat that pu**y up.”
Girl: Baby I am wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, I want more than that 😉
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby I want sumthing big and round 😉
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?
Mom: If a boy touches your b**bs, say “Don’t” and if he touches your pu**y say “Stop”.
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “Don’t Stop”.
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. The cashier asks, “Do you want a bag?”
The guy says, “No. She’s not that ugly.”
Boy: Let’s play the firetruck game.
Girl: How do we play?
Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say “Redlight” when you want me to stop.
Girl: Okay 🙂
*Few seconds later*
Boy: Firetrucks don’t stop for redlights 😉
Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.
Q: Who makes more money… a hooker? or a drug dealer?
A: A hooker, because she can wash her crack and sell it again.
Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.
The chief walks to the men and says, ” What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?” The first man thinks for a second and replies, “I choose Boogaloo”.
The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant “boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo”. The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up the ***.
The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, “You must choose, Death or Boogaloo”?
The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, “I choose death”.
The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, “Death by boogaloo!!!”
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.
I laughed my heart out.
lol…it’s too funny…and horny!
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?” “What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. “It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.
“Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop. “Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde. “It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. “I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?” “Yes.” replied the officer “Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher. “Uh… yes.” replied the cop. “Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.” “What? I can’t do that. It’s… inappropriate.” exclaimed the cop.
“Trust me. Just do it.” said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs… “Ohh no… not another breathalyzer…”
A man named Bob hired a teenage boy named Bo to mow his lawn. One day, Bo had to pee so he went inside Bob’s house. Bob walked in on Bo and noticed how big Bo’s p*n*s was. Bob asked how Bo got his p*n*s that big. Bo said “Every night I’m about to sleep with a woman, I whack my d*ck on the bedpost 3 times.” That night Bob decided to try this on his wife that night. Bob hit his d*ck on the bed post 3 times and his wife said “Bo, is that you?”
What do vegetables watch?
(Get it? C=P)
Police officer George and woman Police officer Mary and their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat. They had been out only a short time then Mary said, “Damn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my panties! It is so uncomfortable. We have to go back to the station to get them.”
“We don’t have to go back,” George replied. “Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he’ll go fetch them for you.”
Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.
Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit – and the superintendent’s balls in his mouth!
Awesome+horny jokes. Hats off…!!!
I like these jokes.
Soooo funny and some of the other sites I’ve seen have almost the same questions but still funny.
One day a girl was with her mom in the park and saw two teens having s*x on the bench. The little girl asked her mom, “Mommy, what are they doing?”
The mom was blushing and replied, “Oh their making cakes.”
The next day the girl and the mom went to the zoo and saw two monkey having s*x. The little girl asked again, “Mommy, what are they doing?”
Again the mother replied, “Oh their making cakes.”
The next day, the little girl confronted her mom, “Mommy, I know you and daddy we’re making cakes last night.”
The mom was frightened and asked, “How did you know?”
The little girl replied, “I licked the icing off the couch! It was good too!”
One day a girl was staying at her boyfriends parents house. The boyfriend and her had to share the top bunk in his little brothers room. Her boyfriend was really horny so he whispered “Say Marco to go faster and Polo to stop.”
So the boy began to thrust in and out of her. “Marco!” The girl hissed. A dew seconds later she cried “Marco!” After a few minutes of thrusting the girl screamed “MARCO!”
“Can you two stop playing games and go to sleep?” His boyfriends little brother snapped.
Yo moma is so fat that she is the reason that Titanic sank.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some weed. Jack got high and pulled down his flied and Jill got wet and pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son!
I so funny and horny. I love it, You made my evening so entertained. Thanks.
What the f*ck. Some funny sh*t man. Respect.
Well they are funny but dirty at the same time 🙂
Funny… thumbs up!
Funny you f*ck…. good job guys.
A boy was selected for a wisper ad, he said why should GIRLS HAVE ALL THE FUN…