Teacher: “Emil… why are you coming into my classroom on your hands and knees?”
Emil: “Because yesterday you told me not to talk into your class late.”
A boy telling his friend: “The food was awful at summer camp this year. My first day there, I threw mine in the lake and darned if the fish didn’t throw it back.”
Teacher: “If your father earned $50,000 a month and gave your mother half, what would she have?”
Student: “Heart failure or maybe a stroke!”
Teacher: “In the alphabet, what comes after ‘O’?”
Teacher: “Attention class! First off, who can name a deadly poison?”
Charlie: “I can, teacher. Aviation. One drop and you’re dead.”
Teacher: “Just how did this window get broken?”
Student: “I was cleaning my slingshot and it went off.”
New kid: “Where do you live?”
Old kid: “On Tough Street. The farther you go, the tougher you get. I live in the last house!”
Two kids talking:
Kid 1: You shoulda been with me this summer at camp. We had a lot of tough times with skunks.
Kid 2: How do they smell?
Kid 1: They smell like our gym class! But I never changed clothes once this summer at camp and y’know what? Toward the end of the season, the skunks ran away from me.”
Elmer: “Hey, Gorge, did you hear about the tire that had a nervous breakdown?”
George: “Nope. Tell me about it.”
Elmer: “It just couldn’t take any more pressure!”
“My mother really talked to the airplane pilot when we got on the plane.”
“Really? What’d she talk about.”
“Oh, she just told him not to go faster than sound ’cause she and I wanted to talk a lot.”
Two kids were walking home from school. “What should we do tonight?” – one asked.
“Let’s flip a coin,” replied the other. “If it comes up head, we will go to the movies. If it comes up tail, we’ll play pool. If it stands on edge, we’ll study.”
Jonas: “Did you hear about the stupid farmer who ran a steamroller over his field of potatoes?”
Adam: “Nope. Not a word.”
Jonas: “Well, the dope thought he’d get a crop of smashed potatoes.”
Mary: “Get away from me, Jamie. You remind me of the ocean.”
Jamie: “Why is that? Because I’m so handsome?”
Mary: “No! Because you make me sick!”
A small boy ridiculed the talk about a painless dentist in his neighborhood.
“He is not painless at all,” said the lad. “He put his finger in my mouth and I bit it and he yelled just like anybody would.”
After the third day of school, the six-year-old came running home from school crying and sobbing. She ran into the house and up to her mother, sobbing: “M-mom, how long does it take a little girl to finally graduate?”
The class was on a tour of the local art museum and the teacher stopped before a reproduction of a DaVinci painting.
“Class, this man was a genius. With just one, single stroke he could change a smiling face into a pained, sorrowful one.”
A little boy raised his hand. “Question, Elmer?” the teacher asked.
“I just want to tell you that my Mom can do the same thing.”
The school employs a doctor to teach the children about body parts.
One day, the doctor came to school, assembled the class, pointed to his nose and asked: “Is this my ear?”
Little Johnny walked to the teacher and whispered: “I think we better get a new doctor.”
The teacher began: “Can anyone in class tell us the meaning of axis?”
“I can, Sir. Here goes: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line that passes from one pole to the other and on which the earth revolves.”
“Very good,” the teacher said, “but could you hang clothes on that line?”
“Yep! You sure could,” the student replied.
“Is that so?” the teacher said. “And what kind of cloths would you hang on that imaginary line?
“Imaginary clothes, Teacher.”