The mother was furious. “Paul!” – she yelled. “Why are you making such awful faces at your bulldog?”
“Well, Mom, he started it!”
A small boy ridiculed the talk about a painless dentist in his neighborhood. “He’s not painless at all.” – said the boy.
“He put his finger in my mouth and I bit it and he yelled just like anybody would.
The boy of ten was sipping his favorite strawberry soda at McDonalds when his pal strolled in. The boy looked up from the drink and said, “Thought you were over at Jenny’s house.”
“I’m through with girls,” the other said, “after all, they’re a dime a dozen.”
“You mean it?” – the boy again halted his sipping. “A dime a dozen? Gee whiz. And all this time, I’ve been spending my money on sodas.”
Two kids were hiking and were surrounded by huge granite cliffs. “I wonder where all this stone came from?” – one boy asked.
“I know,” said the other boy. “It came down when the glaciers came through here.”
“Well, the rock is here but where are the glaciers?” – asked the other.
“Well, er, uh, ahem. Well, I suppose the glaciers went back for more rock.” – was the reply.
Two kids were hiking when they came upon a huge bear. One boy sat down, took a pair of track shoes out his knapsack and started to put them on.
“You’are wasting your time.” – said the other boy. “You can’t outrun that bear even with your track shoes on.”
The other boy replied, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.”
A boy walked into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to give him something to cure the hiccups. The pharmacist merely leaned over and slapped the kid on the back.
“Why did you do that to me?” – asked the boy.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups now, do you!”
“No, but my Mom out in the care still does!” – the boy replied.
Two kids talking:
Jeremy: “My Dad says the price of everything is going up, up, up. Food, clothes,… everything. He says he’d like to see something go down!”
Jim: “Would you like to show him my report card?”
Little girl: “My baby brother is only one year old but he has been walking, now, for six months.”
Little boy: “My goodness… isn’t he awful tired?”
Two boys were struggling with a huge table in a doorway. They pushed and pulled and upped it and downed it until both were exhausted.
Between gasps for air, one managed to say, “We better give up…’cause we’ll never get this table into the house.”
“Into the house?” screamed the other. “I thought we were moving it out of the house!”
It was a wonderfully deep snow and the little boy stood at the top of a hill readying his sled for a slide downhill.
Another boy came up to him and asked, “Can I share your sled?”
“Sure,” the little boy said. “You take it uphill and I’ll take it down!”
Teacher: “James, why are you late for school?”
James: “Well, y’see, I was dreaming about a football game and it went into overtime. So, y’see, I had to… had to… stay asleep to see the finish.”
In first grade, the teacher was offering the class questions about the alphabet. “Can anyone tell me what comes after ‘O’?”
“I know.” – a little girl replied, holding up her hand.
“Very good.” – said the teacher. “Tell the class.”
“Yeah comes after O” – was the reply.
A farmer grabbed his 10-year-old son and asked, “Did you cut down that cherry tree?”
“Yes, Daddy, I did.” – the boy replied sobbing. “I cannot tell a lie.”
The farmer grabbed the boy, put him on his knee and whaled the tar out of him.
“But, Daddy,” the boy cried, “George Washington’s father didn’t do that to him when he cut down that cherry tree when he was a boy.”
“That’s true,” the father replied, “but George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in the tree when he cut it down!”
The 5-year-old loved his daddy and hated to see him leave everyday to go to work. He asked his mom, “Mom, why does Daddy have to leave us and go to work everyday?”
Mom replied, “So he can earn money to bring home so that we can pay our bills and put food on the table.”
“Are you saying that if he doesn’t go to work everyday, we will have to eat off the floor?”
“Charles!” exclaimed his mother, “You must not…simply must not pull the cat’s tail!”
“But, Mama,” the boy insisted, “I’m not pulling its tail. I’m just holding on to it. It’s the cat that’s doing all the pulling.”