The child and his mother:
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Wrong email address:
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
😀 😀 😀
Will’s experience at the airport:
After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.
She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.
Then she asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”
A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.
One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.
A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.
😀 😀 😀
A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.
The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.
The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”
😀 😀 😀
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
A mother and her son where at the church one Sunday and the boy told his mother that he had to use the bathroom, but she said he shouldn’t say ‘pee’ in the church, because it was inappropriate, so she said that he should say he has to ‘whisper’ and she took him to the restroom.
The next Sunday his father took him to the church and the boy had to go pee so he told his dad that he had to ‘whisper’. His father said to him, “OK son, just whisper in my ear”.
Thanks for this site… it greatly helped with our comedy presentation in English.
Wow.. These are real funny jokes. Especially the Professor and a sailer. Give us more guys…
Nice stories keep it up
ha ha ha ha ha haa aha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah wow nice jokes guys
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: “Shall We Gather at the River.”
Really funny guys you made my day I’m laughing non stop keep it up. Looool
This is too much funny stories. I enjoyed these stories very much hahahahahaha
Those jokes are surely funny ! Hahahahahah! “hold meh up ah weak”
Wondreful ta ta
Wow!!!!!! Good jokes…..
Amazedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd…….. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Great jokes. Absolutely love em. Check out this one.
Air hostess asks the passengers “Who’s dizzy? Some guy said I am.” She gave him a panadol. She asked again who’s dizzy. The guy said again “me” so she gave him another panadol and so on til the poor guy died. When they found his identity it was written on it: Name: dizzy …
Good and nice stories. I love them.
This relaxes you a lot.. love these stories.
The condom guy!
These stories really made my day, I really forget all my problem, because I was over joyed, we need these to entertain us.
Q: What do you call a black Doctor?
A: An MD.
Funny stories, I have liked it so much, continue ……….. especially the end….
Funny stories, Thank you!
Lmfao… this made my day..
Even our priest preached about ‘don’t pretend you know everything’ and gave out an example of the zoology, ecology…..etc…
Moutholgy is the funniest story 😛 🙂
What is cat favorite color?
What is cat favorite things to read?
What do you call a dinosaur with a long vocabulary?
What street does a ghost live in?
A dead end
What did the cow say to the chicken who crossed the road?
MOOve out of the way
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So that he can hear the cow say moove out of the way
I hope you like these jokes
And let is brighten your sad glooomy daysz
I’ve NeVeR BeeN So OuT oF AiR To BrEaTh BeFOrE
Really funny, loved the misspelt address.
Lol! These are so funny please add more !!!
I love your jokes guys add more.
My final exams are coming and I am very nervous but these jokes and stories make me feel laugh and smile and makes me feel relax. Thanks for jokes 🙂
Laughter is the best medicine.
Very nice and funny jokes and stories.
I really love it… especially the wrong email address and the man in the restaurant.
Lol that stuff is hilarious! XD XD
Great… Fantastic… It’s too good hahahahaha…!!!
Very funny, I like it thanks.
The stories got me go crazy…!
Super jokes… loved them all.
This is the best website for fun
Thank goodness, at last I found my tribe here. You guys truly fill my day but sadly I sounds funny without my teeth. Can anyone donate me dentures.
Woooooooooooow, these jokes are really funny… Now check this out:
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?”
“Ten,” she replied.
“What are their names?” he asked.
“David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David,” she answered.
“They’re all named David?” he asked “What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just call ‘David,’ and they all come running in.”
“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”
“I just say, ‘David, come eat your dinner’,” she answered.
“But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just use their last name!”
So who’s at fault? A mother gave her 13 year old daughter some sex education.
Mother: Princess! If anybody touches your breasts, say “DON’T” and if he touches “this place” too, say “STOP PLEASE!!!”
The girl said yes Mum!! A few months later she got pregnant, and her Mummy got so furious. She asked her daughter how she allowed a man to do this to her after all the sex education…
Mom: “Where did he first touch you?”
Daughter: “Mum he touched my breasts and “this place” at the same time, and….”
Mother: “Uhuh! and what?”
Daughter: “Mum and I said “DON’T STOP PLEASE!”
Wow I love these stories.
Haha, it’s soo dam funny
I can’t stop me from laughing
It is good.
Wow I like all stories that are here they are very good more please.
Hahaha very funny…… 🙂
Amazing stories! I would share but none of my jokes macth the awsome stories. Keep writing! If someone tells you “You are not funny!” Go make a funny story about them, laugh, then post (if it is appropriate and try not to offend them!) 😉 nice stories!
Thanks for the laugh. Great funny stories really.
I like your funny stories because these make me happy and forgetting when I feel sad.
I really admired all the stories being post in this website…
Keep posting guys, you made me LAUGH, thank you all! 🙂
Really a nice one. A lot of information & smiles is received.
A fight breaks out in a plane between soldiers and one man gets so angry he arms a bomb and threatens the other soldiers. The bomb has a timer which fails to stop going when the situation is resolved.
The men have only one choice but to throw the bomb out the plane and so they do! The plane lands and they go to the area where the bomb went off to find a young boy laughing his head off.
The men ask the boy why are you laughing so hard ! The boy replies gasping for air “I was leaving for school this morning and as I walked outside I farted and my house blew up.”
Wonderful entertainment stories here. Wow.
Hahaha!!! Nice stories xD
People said we can’t live without Love life
and the child speaks: I think Oxygen is more important !! hahaha
We can’t live without oxygen.
I loved the wrong email story but all of them are awesome too
They are all awesome.
Tamaz, please feel free to.
All of them are funny. Can I use them or some of them in my small size newspaper for pupils and high grade students that is called “Intellect show”?
I once had a car that never used petrol but instead it used coins. One afternoon coming back from work, it stopped in the middle of the road saying, “Game over”.
Wow your jokes are the best.
It’s funny! Tnx a lot!!!
The stories “The Child and His Mother” and “Mouthology” made me laugh! Thank you for making my day! 🙂
Good ones Albert 🙂
Two men were sitting at a bar talking about spaceships.
First man: Did you know that my country will launch a spaceship to the sun today, at 12:pm?
Second man: No, but that is brainless indeed.
First man: Why?
Second man: If you launch at noon, the sun will burn you to dead. But my country is more intelligent.
First man: Really?
Second man: Because shortly we will launch a spaceship at night so we won’t get sun burn!!!
One day a man walked down a street and saw a little boy crying.
The man: Why are you crying little guy?
The boy: My mom calls my dad a fat pig and my dad calls my mom an elephant.
The man: There is no need to be sad for that.
The boy: Then what will I be!?
Thanks very good stories.
You guys are really funny I am laughing like madness.
I like your stories. You are funny indeed!
Customer: “I want to order this product. Since I’m a loyal customer, can I have free shipping?”
Me: “No, I apologize that free shipping is only on select products, and those products are advertised as such on the website.”
Customer: “But, [Competitor] has a similar product with free shipping. Can you make an exception?”
Me: “No, I apologize that I can’t.”
Customer: “Guess I’m going to [Competitor] then!”
Me: “Thank you for being a ‘loyal’ customer!”
(A customer is involved in a minor collision outside the restaurant, which blocks the narrow road. I go out to help and see that there is glass all over the road. I check to see if both parties are okay. While I talk to them, a car pulls up behind them.)
Me: “Sir, are you okay, are you hurt? Stay there while I call an ambulance.”
Driver #1: “I’m fine thanks, just a bit shaken up.”
Driver #2: “I’m not hurt either, but my windscreen is shattered and we’ll need to call the insurance company.”
(As Driver #2 goes to carry on speaking, the third driver in the car behind butts in.)
Driver #3: “Excuse me, are you guys going to just sit there all day? I have an appointment to get to and you’re not going to make me late!”
Me: “Sorry, but as you can see there has been an accident and I need to check if these people are hurt, and then we will need to move the cars and clear up the glass.”
Driver #3: “How dare you make me late. This is so inconsiderate of your restaurant to allow these people to crash on this road!”
Me: “Well you need to turn around and go the other way, because these people’s needs are much greater than yours right now. And what was the restaurant supposed to do, make them crash in the car park?”
Driver #3: “YES! This is completely ridiculous!”
Me: “Can I help you find something?”
(The customer holds up a small light bulb.)
Customer: “Yes, can you tell me what size this is?”
Me: “Sure, just let me—”
Customer: “Oh wait, here they are on the display! Now can you tell me where the rest of them are?”
Me: “Well, they should be—”
Customer: “Oh, they’re over here! Thank you so much!”
Me: “You’re welcome, but I really don’t think I can take much credit for that!”
Customer: “Sure you can! Couldn’t have found it without you! Thank you!”
(The customer keeps shopping in that section on her own while I stock the shelves a few aisles over. Every time she finds something to put in her basket, she yells out ‘Thank you!’)
(I am at a local Chinese restaurant to pick up food for my office. I have done a lot of business with these folks. The young lady working seems to have trouble with her English. As I wait, another customer walks in the door.)
Customer: “Hi, I’m picking up my order my wife placed 20 minutes ago.”
Worker: “I am sorry. I have no order.”
(The customer starts getting angry, and the worker is getting upset and trying her best to accommodate him.)
Customer: “This is un-f******-believable. You people are ridiculous!”
Worker: “I am so sorry. I will make your food. What did you order?”
Customer: “You people need to get your s*** together. You need to learn how to COMMUNICATE!”
(The customer calls his wife.)
Customer: “Yeah, honey? I’m at [Chinese restaurant] getting our food. They screwed up and didn’t, wait, what? Okay…”
(The customer hangs up, suddenly looking very timid.)
Customer: “Yeah, I’m at the wrong place.”
(I feel the need to comment.)
Me: “Looks like you need to learn how to COMMUNICATE.”
(I then grab my food, tip the worker a comfortable amount, and walk out. I can see the smirk on her face, and the embarrassment radiating from the customer.)