The child and his mother:
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Wrong email address:
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
😀 😀 😀
Will’s experience at the airport:
After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.
She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.
Then she asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”
A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.
One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.
A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.
😀 😀 😀
A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.
The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.
The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”
😀 😀 😀
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
Can’t stop laughing whilst reading these humorous jokes.
There are very lots of good stories. I have enjoyed it.
lol..very funny…thnx to everyone who posted their jokes…I had fun reading…
A Nigerian lady married a Chinese guy. They had a baby girl but after 3 months the baby died.
The mother of the Nigerian lady came to visit them, but she was just shouting; I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
A neighbor noticed her shouting, called her outside and asked her what and she replied; I knew that China products do not last!!!
Mother: Akpos I’m sorry I slept with someone that is not your dad 23 years ago. And that person is your real father.
Akpos: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this?!
Mother: I am sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him… because we are of different religion. He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever.
Akpos: No I am speaking to no one. Bob is the only father I know and so will that be.
Mother: Please don’t be so upset. Just talk to him.
Akpos: Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind!
Caller: Morning Son, I am Bill Gates. I am your real father.
Akpos: Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! Love u so much Dad!!!!! I’ve been looking for you for so long.
You guys are very funny. Thanks.
Three blondes were stuck on an island. Then, a magic ferry appeared and gave them each a wish. The first one asked to be really smart, so the ferry turned her into a red head and she swam off the island. The second blonde asked to be even smarter, so the ferry turned her into a brunette and she built a boat and sailed off the island. The third blonde asked to be smartest of them all and the ferry turned her into a man and he walked across the bridge.
Q: Why was the tiger looking in the toilet…?
A: So he could find pooh.
Q: Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road…?
A: Because it got stuck in a crack.
Thank you very much! You make me smile.
Evolution of Man:
Without marriage: “Spider Man”
On marriage day: “Super Man”
After marriage: “Gentle Man”
If the wife is beautiful then the rest of life
“Watch Man”…. :p
lol hahaha lol love these stories.
I love those funny words, seriously….
It’s to funny, haha
Once there was a happily married couple and they were talking…
Husband: “I haven’t seen you talking while sleeping lately. Are you ok?”
Wife: “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I have been having nightmares.”
Later that night, in the middle of the night, wife woke up and cried a lot. Husband thinks wife had a bad dream so he said, “Honey, don’t cry, it’s just a bad dream.”
Wife replied: “No, it’s a good dream.” “Then why are you crying?” – husband.
Wife: “Because I woke up.”
Very funny…loved it….
A father has 3 daughters. He loves them very much. The girls have a date on the same day;
First boy comes and says:
Hi, I’m Eddie , I’m here for Bettie, we’re getting spaghetti, is she ready?
The dad lets them leave
Second boy comes and says:
Hi. I’m Joe, I’m here for Flo, we’re going to a show, is he ready to go?
The dad lets them leave too..
Third boy comes and says:
Hi I’m Chuck,…
I can’t stop laughing, more grease 2 ur elbow. Here is mine:
A guy took his newly found babe 2 a restaurant. The waiter came and asked what they would need, the girl said she would go with anything her guy requests so the guy went for salad.
On seeing the salad the girl’s face changed though the guy didn’t notice it. He started with his, the girl picked her spoon, turned the salad, seeing how busy her guy was with his, she ask, “Pls is urs cooked?”
Was having a really bad day and this cheered me up!!! Great blog 🙂
You guys did a wonderful job, I love the jokes.
There once was a Maori man, an English man and an Irish man. They were in the middle of a hot desert. They found a genie land and put popped a genie.
Genie: I will find you each one wish.
So the English man wished that he was floating around a tropical island. He poofed away. The Irishman wished for an alchahol bar, so he got it.
The Maori man wished for a car door. The genie asked in surprise why he wanted a car door. The Maori man responded cheerfully “So I can wind down the window and get some fresh air!”
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E.
One boy says: elephant.
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T.
The same boys says: two elephants.
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behaviuor. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M.
The boy shouts from the other side of the door: maybe an elephant!
Very funny & true thing
My brother is laughing and rolling around on the ground!
Omg thnks a lot ppl u make me feel over the moon :mrgeen:
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them.
“You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money.”
Then she whispers, “You know that BJ I promised you? Well, here it comes…”
One day, Armando and Jun went for camping on a river side. Armando woke up at midnight, then Jun also woke up. Armando asked Jun, “Do you see those billion stars? Jun replied, “Yes. Those represent billions of planets like Earth.”
Armando was furious, “You are such an idiot, haven’t you realized that the tent is already stolen?”
Omg it’s very funny I love it.
This year has seen the coldest winter since records began for countries in the northern hemisphere. It’s been so cold that numerous politicians have actually been seen with their hands in their own pockets.
hahaha.. ouch!!! my ribs
There was a plane and it was too heavy so 3 people had drop something. The first one English so he dropped a bear bottle the second on was Muslim so he dropped a plate and the third one was a terrorist so he dropped a bomb. Back on the ground a kid was crying because his dad died by a bottle the other kid was crying because his dad died by a plate but the third kid was laughing because he farted and his house blew up. 🙂
I am in class 3 and am getting 1st position in joke competitions because of this website 🙂
Listen to this one:
Kitty – where do cows go on saturday nights?
Witty – to the moovies
Hurtful blonde jokes but funny! Can’t stop laughing!
All these stories are great. Great website.
TT Muno of Sepik Yangoru Highway
The last two were a fail..
Good and funny.
What is the dies the bladder and EKG have in common?
Answer: A PWAVE
At the court,
Judge: Order! Order!
Thief: One plate chicken nuggets and fish nuggets!!
This is really a very funny page. I can’t stop laughing
This is magnificient. The stories are awesome
Love it. I live in America I am in 7th grade and keep up the good work guys.
I love these funny stories!
Hey here’s a joke:
What is black and white and red all over?
Answer: News paper
Because: The news paper has black and white words and the red all over is like reading.
Red Reading. Get it?
Hahahahahaha nice jokes….
A man in prison decided one day that he would dig a hole and sneek out of prison.
So he finally reached the end of the hole which led to a nursery where it was a little girl’s birthday.
He said: I’m free, I’m free!
Little girl said: So what? I’m four!! 😀
A man was very lonely and wanted to take a walk outside, so he went out and saw a sign that said for sale, a talking caterpillar!
The man was very interested so he went inside, bought the caterpillar, and went home.
He took off the lid and saw the caterpillar, looked no different than a normal one, so the man wanted to see if a caterpillar can actually talk. The man said, “Do you want to go to church with me?”
The caterpillar said nothing.
The man said it again, but louder. And still the caterpillar said nothing. So the man was getting irritated, so he stood up and cleared his throat and screamed out “Do you want to go to church with me?!”
The caterpillar turned around and said “I heard you the first time, I was just putting on my shoes!”
Nice jokes, keep going…
hahaha, this made me laugh.. 🙂
Awesome stories. I loved them. Thanks… especially assology crocodilogy story….
3 friends were stuck on an island; a brunette, a red head and the 3rd was a blonde.
They found a jeanie lamp in the sand. They rubbed it and a jeanie came out. He said, “I will give each one of you a wish each.”
The Brunette wished that she could go home. The red head wished that she could too.
But before the blonde made her wish, she heard a scary noise in the jungle behind her and then mumbled, “I wish my friends were back.”
Wowowow I liked all the stories…sooooooo funny 🙂 🙂 🙂
They were all amazing … I particularly liked the fruit joke 😀
The shortest horror story ever written:
The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.
It’s quite funny 😀
I have a joke: Why was the mushroom always invited to the party?
Because it’s a fun guy (fungi).
Very funny stories, love them.
A missing person
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”
A MEAN WIFE
Husband of this lady wasn’t going home early so she decided to go to a witch craft. She was advised what to make her husband come early.
When she went back home she breastfed herself literally but unfortunately her daughter stormed in the house and saw her put the milk in the cup..
The husband came back in the evening and asked for his favorite drink-milk. Mrs went to the kitchen and brought the milk. When the husband took the first sip the daughter told her dad, ‘Dad you are taking milk of a human being’…
Really funny 🙂 They can remove my stress of the tiring day 🙂 I wish I could read more stories 🙂 Thanks 🙂
What can stretch farther, a rubber band or skin?
In the Bible it says, Abraham tied his ass to a tree and walked a mile!
Super duper funnnnnny stories! Will make you laugh till you crrrrry!
Class 5C St Joseph School
Vova was is the class and saw his teacher wore an beautiful, white shirt with a red rose on her chest. All students fell surprise and gave the teacher great compliments.
Being happy, the teacher gave out a question “Who knows by what the rose can be grown?”
“By milk” replied Vova.
I like these jokes very much.
You make me happy, laugh, then am free from stress now… much thanks to you all… The Swimiology, crocodiology….!! Wow…. it’s awesome.
I love these jokes, very very funny.
This is funny. Okay.
A blonde needs a summer job so she goes to a old rich man. Hi! I need a summer job. I’ll paint ur porch for $50 dollars.
Man: $50 dollars!? Ok!
The man then goes to work, comes home three hours later to find his porsche all white.
Man: What did you do to my car?!
Blonde: I said I was going to paint ur porsche. 🙂
Once upon a time, there was an old couple (both 80 years old) celebrating their 60th marriage aniversary at a very fancy restaurant.
A little fairy show up and said: “I’m so impress by your true love, I wanted to give each one of you a wish. Ma’am, what would you like to wish for? ”
Lady: “I want to have a cruise with my lovely husband to the rest of the world.”
Fairy: “Granted.” POOM….2 tickets showed up on their table.
Fairy: “Sir, what would you like to wish for?”
Old man: “Sigh…..sorry, honey please forgive me, I want to have a wife that is 60 years younger than me.”
The fairy was all mad, the wife was crying and sad.
Fairy: “OK, Granted.”
POOM….turned the old guy into 140 years old.
Why witches don’t like twins?
B/c they can’t tell which is which.
Where does dracula put his money?
In the blood bank.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What is the best way that no body can steal your car?
When you don’t have a car.
What did one tree say to the other tree?
Ten cats sat in a boat, one jumped into the water, how many cats were left in the boat?
0. (b/c copy cats)
What do you call a local guy with one long and one short leg?
Not even bro.
They are simply great. Here’s one:
There was a Canadian, an American and a Mexican riding in a taxi.
The Canadian says, “We have too many leaves in my country.” – and throws out a maple leaf.
The Mexican said, “We have too much sand in my country.” – and throws sand out the window.
Inspired, the American throws the Mexican out the window.
A little old man answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a very well-dressed young man in a navy blue pinstriped suit, red silk tie, white shirt, shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Get lost, Mister fancy suit!” said the old man. “I haven’t got any money” and he proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”
The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the young man emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet. “If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.”
“I got a better idea” said the old man, looking the young man up and down “If you don’t clean it all up, I’ll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls.”
“Fine, sir!” said the young man confidently.
“That fancy suit and tie are gonna look good on me!” said the old man. “But take them shoes off first!”
“But sir! I haven’t demonstrated the vacuum yet!”
“Yes, you have. The electricity ain’t workin”…”
to all those who are feeling very sad
Just remember that somewhere in this world
theres an idiot PUSHING.. a door that says PULL
Love da jokes, freaking awesome …luv to see more LMAO.. can’t stop Laughing…LOL
An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.
A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.
“But I think I know where I’m going wrong,” said the idiot, “I think I’m planting them too deep.”
One day, a deep sea diver went diving, 45 meters under water and saw a person without any breathing equipment. The diver went 5 more meters deep and 2 minutes later he saw the same person, still with no breathing stuffs on.
The diver went another 5 meters deep and again saw the guy 2 minutes later. By now, the diver was getting pretty annoyed and wrote on a water proof white board: How are you ding so deep without any equipment on?
Then the person grabbed the board and wrote: I’m drowning you moron!!!
Son: Dad, what’s the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad: Hmm. You are my son, I am confident of that. Your friend Timmy is also my son, that’s confidential!