The child and his mother:
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Wrong email address:
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
😀 😀 😀
Will’s experience at the airport:
After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.
She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.
Then she asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”
Clever kids:
A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.
One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.
A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.
😀 😀 😀
Mouthology:
A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
Captain:
A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.
The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.
The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”
😀 😀 😀
Elephant:
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
Oh! It is funny, ha ha ha
These stories r damn gud. They r ma favs. Keep it up.
All are really, really funny but a few:
1) Just saying blondes are not stupid.
2) I think fluffman’s story is not funny at all and is offensive to all Mexicans; btw I’m Mexican!
Son: “Dad, how does it feel to have an awesome son?”
Dad: “I dont know. You should ask your grandfather.”
A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming… she told her lover to stay like a robot and not to move.
Husband: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot, I bought to have sex with when you are travelling…
Husband: Okay…Lets have sex now…
Wife: No sweetheart… yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you…
After she left the husband said: Damn I am so horny, I will f*ck this robot…he tried f*cking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way…
“SYSTEM ERROR…WRONG HOLE, SYSTEM ERROR… WRONG HOLE…”
Husband: Damn robot is not working properly…I am throwing it out of the window…The man realized that he was on the 20th floor and said…
“SOFTWARE UPDATED…PLEASE TRY AGAIN…”
hahahaha
Thank u i love the mad man
Fantastic laughs, can’t live without you.
Hah. Lol
One day a little bird decided it was time to fly south for the winter. During his journey it began to snow. Before long he was flying right through a terrible blizzard! The poor little birds wings began to freeze up and he could no longer fly so he landed in a cow pasture. A moment later a cow came along and pooped on the poor thing !! You might think ewwwwwwwwww grosss!! BUT — the little frozen bird began to warm up and soon his little wings thawed out. He was so happy he began to sing !! It wasn’t long before a cat heard the little bird singing and came to investigate….when the cat found the little bird he snatched him up and ate him!!!
The moral to this story is: just because someone poops on you doesn’t necessarily mean they are your enemy and just because someone gets you out of poop…doesn’t necessarily make them your friend!
Wow, these are very funny stories.
I love this website, it is soooo interesting…..
Very funny.
Amazing jokes
Marvelous. I like all of’em. Expecting 4 more. Laughter is the best medicine.
At home I asked my daughter to call the grocery shop for a delivery of soap while I am busy ironing clothes.
Daughter: Hello my friend pls bring Dove soap for sensitive skin.
Indian Helper: Ah chicken skin, how many packs?
Daughter: No my friend I said Doveeee soapppp
(Mother: Daughter, in UAE u must say your English one by one don’t make it fluent.)
Indian Helper: Ahhh Soup okay which one chiken or beef?
Daughter: (Complaining – mommy still he dont understand me) My friend I said bring Dove as in D O V E SOAP for washing you know for shower.
Indian Helper: Ah which one.
Daughter: Dove Soap for sensitive skin.
Indian Helper: Ah, I dont know which one.
Daughter: You read okay read it then bring her same building 6th Floor Flat 602.
The door bell ring and my daughter went opened the door and found the indian helper brought a box full of dove soap in different types/colors.
Daughter: Why you bring a box of dove soap?
Indian Helper: My friend I dont know, you check ok?
Daughter: Checked and took 1 piece of the soap for sensitive skin and asked how much.
Indian Helper: 8 UAE Dirhams.
Daughter: Paid.
Indian Helper: Scratch his head and said only one you will buy, and I carried a box full of dove soaps.
I like the stories they are funny.
I liked all the jokes very much. They were all funny but some of them I didn’t understand. I likeology the sailorology and proffesorology the mostology. So fun to read them.
Men this is the funiest blog I have ever come across. Luv ya stories.
A boy walks over to a pregnant lady.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
I was laughing so hard at all these jokes (especially the blonde ones!)
I loved the one about the pretty perfect girl ROFL!!
I love this website 🙂
I laughed so hard I fell of my bedology lol
Amazing. Hilarious. Made me laugh all day lol. Keep up the good work.
They are really cool.
Nice ones, make me laugh.
There once was a pretty perfect girl with the most perfect life; it could not get any better. But she always wanted her life to be more perfect. One day as she was walking to school she saw the most pretty perfect puppy. She started thinking of how well the puppy would fit in with her life. And of course she ran across the street to get the puppy. She was promptly hit by a car. The End!!!
Moral: Always look both ways before crossing the street. 🙂
Awesome. Funny joking stories. Thanks for sharing.
Best! So funny!
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to spin the chair and one to hold the light bulb.
Excellent stories. Thank you for inspiring us with such stories.
Funniest stories ever seen……..and that wrong email one is best!
HUSBANDS FOR SALE:
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you can not go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find one.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Please send this to all men for a good laugh… and to all the women who can handle the truth!
An elephant was teaching her students the monkey, the bird and the giraffe. She said to the bird 1+1. The bird replied 1+1 is equals to 9. The elephant said no and told the giraffe the same question. The giraffe replied that the answer was 11. The elephant said no and asked the monkey the same question. The monkey replied 2. The elephant asked “Where did u get the answer from?” The monkey replied “Just kidding. My real answer was supposed to be 5.”
Very Nice!
Very funny stories, I am still laughing and laughing.
Wow they are all splendid and I need more… I love all the stories.
A mayor asked 3 bridge building contractors the cost of building a small bridge.
The French contractor said $100,000.
The English contractor said $120,000.
The Nigerian contractor said $1,000,000.
When asked why his was so high, the Nigerian replied: “I’ll give you $500,000. I’ll take $400,000. Then I’ll pay the French Contractor to do the job.”
Very funny stories! #200 had me cracking up.
It’s so nice stories….so…so funny
Very funny 🙂
That’s gr8…..ha ha.
F.u.n.n.y 😀 😀
Awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!! I was cracking up so hard on #179. HHAHAHAAHAA!!!!!!!!!
Ahahah I loved these, very funny. I want more but hello my name is Amy.
It is nice I liked it most funny story was child and his mother.
Super awsm, u guys turn this 🙁 into this 🙂
Once a young man learned ways to make money and opened a Gas station on the 3rd floor.
Lol I love the madman one and the little kid one. There are hilarious and made my day.
Okay so there are 3 guys. Ones name is poop, ones name is manners, and ones name is shut up.
Well, Manners is driving a car down highway 101 when poop decides to jump out of the car. Manners slams on the brakes. Manners gets out of the car and tells Shut up to go to the police station while he stays there and gets poop. So shut up goes to the police and the police officer says, “What’s your name?” And shut up replies, “shut up.” So that happens 3 more times before the police man says in a cry of outrage, “Where are your manners?!?” And shut up replies, “Back on highway 101 picking up poop.”
Smart person: “You are what you eat!”
Smarter person: “That’s funny, I don’t remember eating a sexy beast this morning!”
Some stale, some funny.
Love the jokes, sure make my day especially when I’m feeling low, I love to read and share with my mates …thanks.
You have a lot of good jokes. Please e mail as and when you get more jokes. Thanks.
@ Dr. Saab, for notifications on new jokes, please visit here http://academictips.org/funny-jokes/ => then subscribe (on the right side). Take care!
This jokes are so hilarious.
This is so good and the Will’s experience at an airport was not funny.
Like these.
Luv these funny stories pls don’t stop
I like the title The Boy And His Mother [which is the first story]. I like it because it is so funny!!! It is about a child who asks his mum that why is her hair going grey. It is just super funny!!!
There was a manager and his secretary. One day, the manager came to work well dressed but forgot to put a zip on his trouser. When he came to the office, the secretary who was a young beautiful lady asked him that Sir, why did you left your compound and forgot to close your gate.
The manager response so you pass there and my gate was open, the secretary said yes.
So the manager took a walk back to his house but on the way he met and old man and the many told him to zip his trouser. So the manager now understood what the secretary was trying to tell him and went back to the office and asked the secretary that when you saw my compound opened did you see any hummer jeep parked in my compound?
The secretary said I saw but one little Toyota and two flat tires.
The jokes are so funny.
I love the wrong e-mail Address….:-)
Jamaican joke. This is seriously funny with jamaican accent.
I went to a restaurant and asked for two piece of toosh.
I get one piece.
I say to them I want to piece.
They say everybody want to piece.
I say to them I want to piece on my plate.
they say dont piece in your plate you son of a bitch.
I went to a bigger restaurant i got 2 teaspoon, two spoon and a knife.
I asked for a fork.
They say to me everybody wanna fork you son of a bitch.
I went to a hotel and on my bed there is no sheet on my bed.
I say I want a sheet.
They say to me everybody wanna sheet.
I say to them I want a sheet on my bed.
They say to me dont sheet on your bed you son of a bitch.
Five Laughs:
No1
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife’s nipples while she was asleep.
The next day, their driver died of poisoning.
********
No2
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS.
His son asked Dad why? He answered, so that when I am dead, no one will chase your mum.
********
No3
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband.
Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.
********
No4
Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them, Son: “What are you doing?”
Father: “I’m putting petrol on your Mom.”
Son: “Haauu – Haauu! Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr Zwane has put in yesterday.”
Mother fainted!
********
No5
A man went to the pub with his wife.
When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered: “You must demand cash before sex, I know him he doesn’t pay.
I’m gonna tell a very big joke.
* listen listen carefully
* very big joke
* are you still listening to it? I told the joke.
Awesome
I was really depressed and I found this site.. thanks for making my days out of stress…hehe.. all the peps here thinks that I’m crazy for laugh out loud.. haha
Wow! Luv d stories especially the Professor and the Sailor………keep it up guys.
Fantastic site. The stories make me lmfao… Lol, sharkology story is gr8.
I love all your jokes.
The Funny Story of the Lady and The Lavatory or Water Closet (WC):
Many years ago, remember Will and Guy, you couldn’t count on a public toilet facility when travelling either at home or abroad.
This true, short and funny story is about an English woman who was planning a trip of a lifetime to India. She had booked in to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC.
In Britain, a bathroom is occasionally called a WC which stands for “Water Closet”.
This, rather genteel lady wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring about the WC. The school master who was not very fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC.
Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a “Wayside Chapel” near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.
The Hilarious Reply:
Will and Guy are able to share with you the schoolmaster’s reply – it could cause paroxysms of mirth.
Will and Guy believe the lady fainted on receipt of the letter and cancelled her holiday to India immediately.
Ha ha nice
wow… this is fantastic.