The child and his mother:
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Wrong email address:
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
😀 😀 😀
Will’s experience at the airport:
After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.
She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.
Then she asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”
Clever kids:
A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.
One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.
A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.
😀 😀 😀
Mouthology:
A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
Captain:
A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.
The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.
The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”
😀 😀 😀
Elephant:
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
Happiology
Funniest stories I have ever read! Will share.
Q. Why is a double helix DNA strand and a teenage boy so alike?
A. The both want to unzip you’re genes 🙂
Q. What does a gay horse eat?
A. Haaaayy!
A man at work calls home and his 8 years old daughter picks the phone: “Hi honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?”
“No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” The little girl quipped.
After a brief pause daddy says, “But honey you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”
“Oh yes I do, and he is upstairs in the room with mommy right now.”
Brief pause, “Uh okay then, this is what I want you to do: Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, and shout to mommy that daddy’s car has just arrived at the gate.”
“Ok daddy just a minute….” A while later the little girl comes back to the phone, “Done it daddy.”
“What happened honey?” “Well, mommy got scared and jumped out of the bed naked, ran round the room screaming, tripped over, and knocked her head on the staircase, now she is not moving at all.”
“What about Uncle Paul?” asked Dad. He jumped out the window into the swimming pool, but I guess he didn’t know you emptied the water last week. He hit the bottom and he’s unresponsive.”
After a really long pause this time…Daddy says, “Swimming pool, but we don’t have a swimming pool! Is this xxx-xx31?”
“No,this is xxx-xx13”
“Sorry wrong number….!!!”
Haha!! Super funny especially the Japanese man and the woman who waited the bus.. You helped me a lot guys..
Expecting for new jokes!! THANKS!!!
The stories are really good. Keep up the good work guys.
hahahahaha so funny… especially the stupilogy proffesor.
There was a brunette, a redhead and a blonde who were all stuck in a jail cell. They all decided that the only way to get out was to slip through the bars. The brunette put liquid butter on the bars and escaped. The redhead used liquid soap on the bars and escaped. The blonde used liquid glue on the bars and was stuck 🙂
Some funny stories you guys write I laughed so hard haha.
haha I love this website….
It’s truly funny.
OMG thats soooooooooooo damn hilarious!!!
I am now studying in grade 5. I am going to send all these jokes to the school magazine.
Here are some more:
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won’t forget?”
“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”
“Well,” says the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.” “My memory’s not all that bad,” says the husband. “No problem — a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don’t need to write it down.”
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, “Hey, where’s the toast I asked for?”
_______________
Here’s another one:
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
Like them too
Hilarious stories… loved the wrong email story!
These stories were awesome keep them coming!
I am in class 6. I really laughed and enjoyed.
My proverb is “laughter is the best medicine.” ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !
Here is a funny joke:
Doctor: You will die within 2 days. What do you want?
Patient: A good doctor.
This is really funny I like them all, especially, swimology professor.
Sum of them are quite irritating pj’s also……I mean how can anybody laugh on some stupid stories!!! ha ahahahahahahahahahahah
I have been going through bad time and haven’t laughed after a long time… Thanks All… Keep up the good work… God Bless Ya All…
Am at work in Midrand and am laughing my ass off.
Like it guys. Expect more…
You make me smile in bad moments…. haha crazy.. <3
There were 3 boys named Zip, Willy and Pee.
They were playing in a schoolroom one day, Zip was on top of a large cupboard whilst Willy was inside the large cupboard breaking things. All the while Pee was dancing around being generally stupid.
The teacher walked in and saw, she exclaimed, ” Zip down, Willy out, and Pee in the corner!”
There was a guy waiting for a waiter in a restaurant. He waited for 2 hours, no waiter came, and finally a hot girl waiter is standing near the cashier…
Guy: Ummm… excuse, is there any waiter here? Cause no waiter is taking my order…
Girl: Owww… I thought you are the waiter?
Guy: What no, I’m a customer…
Girl: This is what I meant, you waited right, so that means you are a waiter… 🙂
Guy: What…?!
An old man had a pond in the back of his yard. Near the pond was a tree full of fruit. One day, the man decided to go to his yard to pick fruit.
He forgot to bring a bucket so he went back inside to take it. When he went back to his yard, he discovered several ladies skinny dipping in the pond.
The ladies screamed to the old man, “We are not coming out until you leave!”
The old man held up the bucket and yelled back, “Don’t worry, I am just here to feed the alligators in the pond.”
Love all, especially the one with a professor and a student. By the way, blonds are not stupid!!!
There was a Canadian, an American and a Mexican riding in a taxi.
The Canadian says, “We have too many leaves in my country.” – and throws out a maple leaf.
The Mexican said, “We have too much sand in my country.” – and throws sand out the window.
Inspired, the American throws the Mexican out the window.
There were an American, a Brittan, a French, and a Mexican. The pilot comes out and yells, “The plane is going down, we got too much wieght!” and grabs the only parachute and jumps out the door.
The French man yells, “Viva la France!” and jumps.
The Brit yells, “Long live the queen!” and jumps.
The American shoves the Mexican out and yells, “Remeber the alamo!”
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” – she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
“I can’t jump out the window!” – came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. “It’s raining out there!”
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” – she replied. “He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!”
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon. He started running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.
It wasn’t that effective! After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running.”
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?”
“Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Only if it’s raining.”
An elderly couple was watching a show where a preacher was talking about the healing powers of God.
“To all of those who are ailed by some sickness, place your hand on the screen & I will heal you!” the preacher exclaimed.
The old lady, who was having some stomach problems, placed her hand on the top of the TV.
The old man placed his hand on the TV also, then stuck his hand deep into his pants. His wife looks over at him and says, “Gordon, the preacher is talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead!”
Father: My son I will have a nap, wake me up at 4 pm.
Son: Father I am going to play football so if I forget to wake you up please come and remind me.
A guy walked in a restaurant for breakfast and he sat on a chair and in front of him a nice round table. A waiter came to him in seconds.
Waiter: Good morning sir what can I get for you?
Guy: Good morning to you too and how much is a cup of tea?
Waiter: 1 dollar and 50 cents.
Guy: And sugar?
Waiter: We do not sell Sugar it’s free.
Guy: Good. Bring 1 cup of tea and 2 Kilograms of sugar.
I can’t help myself…I really need help to stop laughing..hahahahha..can someone come to my aid. This site is something else.
hahahahah you guys are funny, thanx.
Awesome source of laughter…
It’s fun being part of your decades!
Interesting stories. haha….
Loved this.
Height of Surprise:
A boy after spending great time with GF, saw a guy’s photo in her bag
Asked: Is he your x-boyfriend?
.
.
.
GF kissed him said no dear thats me before surgery..
The Importance of the BRA:
Q: Which is the striped BRA?
zeBRA
Q: Poisonous BRA?
coBRA
Q: Mathematical BRA?
algeBRA
Q: Sunsign BRA?
liBRA
Q: Magical BRA?
aaBRA ka daBRA
Q: Religious BRA?
BRAhmin
Q: Metallic bra?
BRAss
Q: Anjelina Jolie’s Bra?
BRAd Pitt
Q: Botany BRA?
BRAnch
Q: Marketing BRA?
BRAnd
Q: Puctuation bra?
BRAcket
Q: A room where BRA’s are kept?
LiBRAry
Q: Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world?
aBRAham Lincoln
Q: Which bra is very important for any vehicle?
BRAke
AND U THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE BRA, How BRAin less.
If animals have Facebook / BBM / WhatsApp, these are most likely to be their Status Updates:
Cockroach: “Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!”
Dog: “My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her? I don’t even remember…”
Mosquito: “I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking.”
Pig: “Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu… WTF!! ”
Goat: “Friends, don’t go out, Eid is coming soon.”
Chicken: “If tomorrow there’s no status update from my side, means I’m being served at KFC.”
Haha really funny jokes guys. Listen to this!
17 blondes lined up outside a nightclub and a guy with his girlfriend asked one of the blondes: “Why are you standing out here?”
A blonde replied, “You have to be 18 to get in.”
haha 😛
It was so funny
Very nice comic stories and I wish to say thanks.
Three construction workers were eating lunch on construction beams some stories high. One was Mexican, another was Italian, and the last was American. Each was upset about the same lunch they always got: the Mexican – tacos, the Italian – spaghetti, and the American – sandwiches.
So, the Mexican said, “If I get tacos for lunch one more time, I will jump.”
The Italian then said, “If I get spaghetti for lunch one more time, I’m gonna jump.”
The American then said, “If I get a sandwich for lunch one more time, I’ll jump.”
The next day, the Mexican got tacos, the Italian got spaghetti, and the American got a sandwich, so all three jumped from the building. At their funerals, the three wives were seen attending:
The Mexican’s wife sobbed, “If I had known he didn’t want tacos for lunch I wouldn’t have packed him any!”
The Italian’s wife cried, “If I had known he didn’t want spaghetti for lunch I wouldn’t have made it for him!”
The American’s wife said, “Don’t look at me, he packed his own lunch!”
There were a cowboy, an Indian and a stupid guy. They all went to this cliff that says if you jump off it and say something you will become it.
So the Indian jumped off and said fish! and he turned into a fish and fell into the lake below.
This cowboy jumped off and said eagle! and he turned into a eagle and flew away.
The stupid guy was about to jump but tripped and said, “CRAP!”
Nice jokes
I am from Ethiopia I like it, so funny story!
LOL very nice.. I really liked the last joke.. Haha
It’s really interesting, especially the illiteracy, dieology story.. laughed the stress outta me.
One day, 4 people were on a small aeroplane, a captain, a priest, a boy scout, and a smartest man in the world.
They were all eating a nice meal until the pilot came out and said, “This plane is about to crash. Grab a parachute and jump!”
The pilot then grabbed a parachute and jumped off. The smartest man in the world said, “I need that parachute, the world needs my knowledge” and so he jumped off.
The priest said, “Boy you take that last parachute, the world doesn’t need me, I am just an old priest.”
The boy scout said, “No, what are you talking about? There are 2 parachutes left.”
“What?” – the priest.
“It is correct, the smartest man in the world took my backpack.” – responded the boy scout.
One day a woman was waiting for a bus. It comes and she walks in and the bus driver says “Wow, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!”
So the women sits down and she says to the man next to her “The bus driver just insulted me!”
The man says “You go talk to him, just go, l’ll hold your monkey for you”.
Grapes: I look like eye ball.
Watermelon: Hmm, I look like man’s head.
Orange: Uh, I look like b**bs.
Banana: Can we please change the topic!?
Blonde Jokes
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of shampoo that says “lather‚ rinse‚ repeat”.
Wow I love all the stories, very funny.
I really laugh out loud lol… specially like that clever kidz story.
Hahaha !! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Love everything …
Everything is awesome.
Wow superb. Maxa jorks. Thanks every1 who present these storys. I enjoyed very well.
Cock: I love you.
Hen: Laughs, ha ha
Cock: I can do anything for you.
Hen: Really…?
Cock: Yes, really. Tell me what shall I do for you?
Hen: Give me eggs…..!!!!!! 😀
I can’t stop laughting!!! Specialy The professor and the sailor’s story. Come on guys add more.
Wow nice story
Awesome stories, keep me out of breath!
Woooooow can’t stop laughing, they are awesome.
I love these stories because they give us some meanings.
I am in class 6. I love these stories. I am from Nepal. I love my country. There are many moral stories in Nepali.
Your jokes where superb…
It’s so good. These stories are fun!
Superb jokes…….!!!!!
😉
Nice ones. I liked the sailor and the professor one.
So funny……
Thanks! Really funny! 🙂
Mind refreshing !! We guys should add more masala (spice) to it. Wonderful!
I am so like, wow, never have I been so fascinated. I like the zoology swimology one… Keep the fire blazing.
Enjoyed your stories. Can’t stop lmao.
This is GREAT and AWESOME! I shared some immediately. That Professor and Sailor story set me laughing for hours. Thanks.