Thanksgiving Jokes

by Stephen on September 26, 2013 · 3 comments

in Holiday Jokes

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” sighs the husband, “She’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says the wife, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long.”

turkey-clipart

A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No. They’re dead.”

:mrgreen:

Teacher: What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Student: I’m thankful I’m not a turkey.

πŸ˜€

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

:mrgreen:

Who’s never hungry on Thanksgiving?
The turkey. He’s always stuffed.

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What kind of key has two legs and can’t open doors?
A tur-key.

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Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

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Sheila: I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but I sat on them.
Tom: What are you serving instead?
Sheila: Squash.

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It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.

“Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter.

“Did it not taste good?” her mother asked.

“I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”

πŸ˜€

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

“Please let me in,” says the man desperately. “I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.”

“Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see what I have left.” He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

“That’s one is too skinny. What else you got?” says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

“Oh, no,” says the man, “That one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them!”

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Why was the monster tickled when he ate the turkey?
He forgot to pluck the feathers.

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What do you get if you cross a turkey with an evil spirit?
A poultry-geist.

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What do you get after eating way too much turkey and dressing?
Dessert.

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Why shouldn’t you look at the turkey dressing?
It makes her blush.

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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.

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When did the Pilgrims first say “God bless America”?
The first time the heard America sneeze.

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Why should you never talk like a turkey?
Because it’s bad to use fowl language.

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What should does a space turkey make?
“Hubble, hubble, hubble.”

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What is a pilgrim’s favorite kind of music?
Plymouth Rock.

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What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
“Quack, quack, quack.”

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What’s the best way to stuff a turkey?
Take him out for pizza and ice cream.

πŸ˜€


Thanksgiving Knock Knock Jokes:

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Abbott.
Abbott who?
Abbott time to eat isn’t it?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to wait long to eat?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up! I’m starved!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Sid.
Sid who?
Sid down. It’s time to eat!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive the stuffing too!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee I don’t eat this much!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
General Lee.
General Lee who?
General Lee I don’t either!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Aida.
Aida who?
Aida lot more than I should have!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Diana.
Diana who?
Diana thirst too!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke at all the food!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita nother napkin.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Aaron.
Aaron who?
Arron you having more cranberry sauce?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Don.
Don who?
Don eat all the stuffing, I want some more!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any more sweet potatoes?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Wilma.
Wilma who?
Wil Ma make lots of food again this Thanksgiving?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Odette.
Odette who?
Odette’s a big turkey!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip a big plate and dig in!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Phyllis.
Phyllis who?
Phyllis plate up too!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Emma.
Emma who?
Emma real pig when it comes to eating Turkey!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Esther.
Esther who?
Esther any more gravy?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Alma.
Alma who?
Alma dinner’s gone. May I have dessert?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda piece of pumpkin pie?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Alva.
Alva who?
Alva nother piece please!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Xavier.
Xavier who?
Xavier fork for dessert.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara we’ll have turkey leftovers!

happy-thanksgiving-clipart

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Dragon97 May 21, 2014 at 9:50 am

What does a turkey sing on Thanksgiving? Chestnut’s roasting on an open fire!!!!

2 Agatha May 29, 2014 at 12:12 am

Very funny, but seriously, people need to comment more!

A blond has her Thanksgiving by herself. The doorbell rings. The blond went up to get it.
A boy came in and tossed a frozen turkey into her arms and said you ordered this. The blond picked it
up and gave it back. “What do you expect me to do with this?! It would never fit in the microwave!!”

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It was almost Thanksgiving, but May’s birthday is only two days before thanksgiving. Right before her
birthday, she got a parrot named Squawky. He is a tamed parrot, but says inappropriate things.
“My madam’s is so f*cking stupid. Always bossin’ me around. Wait till I kick your ass!!!” May is getting
frustrated over her parrot and she needs him to STOP SWEARING. She threw the parrot in the freezer
and told him to come out when he stops swearing and respects her. After a few minutes, May put the
parrot on the table and nuzzled it with a blanket. ”Have you learned a lesson?”
Yes… One question though. What did the turkey, and chicken do?”

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What is a horror movie to turkeys?
Watching the turkey in the oven.

3 Rebek November 27, 2015 at 1:08 pm

I loved the parrot one!!

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