Computer Jokes

by Stephen on January 17, 2013 · 12 comments

in Jokes

Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.”

Tech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?”

Customer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?”

Tech Support: “Yes.”

Customer: “Just great — I knew it! He’s in trouble now! He was there for almost a half hour! How much does AOL charge for long distance?”

Tech Support: “It does not work that way. You can surf anywhere without long distance charges.”

Customer: “No, I am sure AOL charges extra. It doesn’t make any sense that they wouldn’t. England is a long way away, they would lose millions not to.”

After trying to explain how the web worked, the customer refused to take my word and said she was going to call AOL. A while later she called back.

Customer: “Well, AOL said you were correct; no long distance charge for overseas web sites. I do have another question I thought of after I hung up with AOL.”

Tech Support: “Yes?”

Customer: “Do you think they charge extra for long distance email?”

Tech Support: “Trust me — they don’t.”

Customer: “Wonderful! My oldest son works in Sweden. He sends us email, but I was always afraid to reply because I didn’t know how much it would cost, so I just called him on the phone. This will save us lots of money! Still if AOL was smart they would charge for this service.”

Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.

F1! = Help!

Two geeks are talking over lunch.

The first guy says, “You wouldn’t believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said ‘Take whatever you want!’ … So I took the bike”

The second guy says, “Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:

PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.

She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.”

The surprised salesman replies, “But, madam, computers do not have curtains.”

And the blonde said, “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!”

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.”
Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Netscape.”
Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?”
Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?”
Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.”
Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!”

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Stephen March 24, 2013 at 8:58 pm

Caller: Hey, can you help me? My computer has locked up, and no matter how many times I type eleven, it won’t unfreeze.

Agent: What do you mean, “type eleven?”

Caller: The message on my screen says, “Error Type 11!”

2 Stephen March 24, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Caller: Oh, no, it’s just the stupid, stupid design of this computer. Every time I want to click something, I have to unplug the keyboard to plug in the mouse. And then every time I want to use the keyboard again, I have to unplug the mouse. Because there’s only one jack.

Agent: Ma’am, you do realize that there’s a jack on the keyboard itself? You’re supposed to plug the mouse into the keyboard, and the keyboard into the computer.

Caller: Are you kidding me!? Oh, wait a minute—yes, I see it now! Oh, holy cow. That’s going to be so much easier!

Agent: Just out of curiosity, how long have you been using your computer that way?

Caller: Six weeks!

3 Stephen March 25, 2013 at 11:00 am

I keep hitting “escape”, but I’m still here.

4 Stephen March 25, 2013 at 11:30 am

To double your drive space, delete Windows.

5 Stephen March 30, 2013 at 9:48 am

What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave.

6 Stephen March 30, 2013 at 9:52 am

If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.

7 Justin Munali April 18, 2013 at 3:17 am

No matter hw much u keep hitting escape but u still available…that’s a nice one! Lol

8 Boniface Phumelele Dlamini May 19, 2013 at 4:14 pm

Press any key to continue, or any other key to exit.

9 Charleyy May 26, 2013 at 11:10 am

How do you know when a convict has been on your computer?

It’s gone.

10 Sam October 1, 2013 at 11:22 am

This guy was learning english. He learned the top 10 words: lol, yea, totaly, driving, swag, dead, women, hate, exited, jk.

There was a murder at a museum. He went to check it out. The cops asked who was this. The man said lol. The cop said was it you? The man said yea.
The cop said do you want to go to jail? He responded with totaly!
Cop: How did you kill him?
Man: Driving.
Cop: How did you do it?
Man: Swag.
Cop: So what do you think is a fair punishment?
Man: Dead.
Cop: What do you love most in your life?
Man: Women.
Cop: So you love your wife.
Man: Hate.
Cop: What do you think about jail?
Man: Exited.
Cop: Really?
Man: Jk.

11 Hot Rod May 19, 2014 at 12:32 am

A few messages :–

1. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

2. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

3. Press any key . . . no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

4. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

5. Hit any user to continue.

6. Disk Full — Press F1 to belch.

7. Backup not found: Abort / Retry / Panic.

8. *Text Unreadable* — Abort / Retry / Get a Coke.

12 Priyasethi November 5, 2014 at 3:30 am

Nice information sharing about computer jokes…….Thanks………

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