Funny Jokes

Jokes for kids

by Stephen on December 8, 2012 · 31 comments

in Funny Jokes

Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.

Student: And what happened next?

Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!

:mrgreen:

A girl came home from school. Her mother asked, “Dear how was your first day at school?”

And the girl replied, “First day? You mean I have to go back there tomorrow?”

:lol:

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

:mrgreen:

Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!

:lol:

Q: What must you do before you get board a bus?
A: Get on it!

:mrgreen:

Q: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: The word smiles because there is a mile between each s.

:lol:

Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.

:mrgreen:

Q: What is black and white, white and black, black and white?
A: A zebra caught in a revolving door!!

:lol:

Q: Why did the squirrel cross the road?
A: To show his girlfriend he had guts.

:mrgreen:

Q: What did the pig say when the man grabbed him by the tail?
A: That’s the end of me…

:lol:

Q. What happens when you throw a black cat in the red sea?
A. It gets wet.

:mrgreen:

Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: Because it was not peeling well!

:lol:

Q. Why do fish swim in salt water?
A. Because pepper makes them sneeze.

:mrgreen:

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A. You’re too young to smoke

:lol:

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven ate nine

:mrgreen:

Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?
A: Because nobody else will do it for them.

:lol:

Q. Why did the cat cross the road?
A. To get away from the dog!

:mrgreen:

Q. Why did the dog cross the road?
A. To chase the cat on the other side!!!

:lol:

Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud

:mrgreen:

Q: What do you get when you throw all the books in the world in the ocean?
A: A title wave

:lol:

Q: Why don’t vampires like mosquitoes?
A: Too much competition!

:mrgreen:

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says “Spit out your gum” and the train says “Choo! Choo!”


Riddles for Kids:

1. I don’t have lungs or a chest but I need air; I am not alive, but I grow; I don’t have a mouth and I’m allergic to water. What am I ?

Answer: Fire

:lol:

2. I am found in the sea and on land but I do not walk or swim. I travel by foot but I am toeless. I’m never far from home. What am I?

Answer: A snail

:lol:

3. I run but I never walk. I have a mouth but I never talk. I have a bed but I never lie. What am I ?

Answer: A river

:lol:

4. What walks on 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the afternoon, and 3 legs in the evening?

Answer: A man (crawls as a baby, then walks on 2 feet, then uses a cane (3 legs) as an old man.)

:lol:

5. What thing that God made sleeps with its head down?

Answer: A bat

:lol:

6. What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, poor people have it, rich people need it, and if you eat it you will die?

Answer: Nothing

:lol:

7. What is as big as an elephant but doesn’t weigh anything?

Answer: An elephant’s shadow

:lol:

8. What goes up, but never comes down?

Answer: Age

:lol:

9. What did George Washington say to his men before they got in the boat?

Answer: “Men, get in this boat!”

:lol:

10. My uncle has a sister but she is not my aunt. Who is she?

Answer: My mother

:lol:

11. What animal carries his house wherever he goes?

Answer: Turtle

:lol:

12. If you chop it, it heals at once.

Answer: Water

:lol:

13. Claps and claps, but the neighbors do not hear.

Answer: Eyes

{ 31 comments }

Funny Short Stories

by Stephen on April 27, 2012 · 746 comments

in Funny Jokes

The child and his mother:

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

:mrgreen:

Wrong email address:

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

:mrgreen:

Will’s experience at the airport:

After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.

She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.

Then she asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”

8-O
:mrgreen:

Clever kids:

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.

A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

:P :mrgreen:

Mouthology:

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?

The sailor said no to all his questions.

Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?

The professor said no.

Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

:D

Captain:

A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.

The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”

The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.

The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”

:D

Elephant:

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”

:mrgreen:

Do you know any short but very funny stories? Please share below :P

{ 746 comments }